I’ll start with my earliest memory of running around my living room while people where drinking and taking drugs the last thing I remember is being put back to bed by a junkie. My mum always used to beat me from time to time. When I was around 7 she meet a guy called Stephen. She would give him money when there was no food in the house and I had nothing to eat I would go to my grans who lived around the corner from me to get some of her biscuits to try and kill the hunger as I would go days without eating anything other than the school lunches. She has never worked in her life so she was on benefits and spent most of the money on alcohol, betting or Stephen while missing bills, mainly the gas bill so I was unable to wash and due to this I got bullied all the way through primasry and secondary school. After a few months of constantly spending time in Stephens he started to hit me and over the course of a few months they became more frequent until it was an every day occurrence they got so bad to the point I got a social worker at which point my mum and Stephen told me that if I told the social worker what happened theuly would kmgo to prison and if that happened they would kill me so I said it was a boy from where I lived. She was in love with this guy and told me time and time again if it wasn’t for me she would be with him and said I would be better off dead. I spent most Saturdays hiding behind a couch crying hoping they wouldn’t hit me. She also on many occasions touched him up while he was under the covers in the living room. When I was 14 I planned to commit suicide but was saved through an advert for eminems relapse CD which literally saved my life I then went on to listen to D12 and proof I later got D12 and proof tattooed on my arm as a mark of respect. I’m now 19 and feeling the same way I did when I was 14 except the feelings of failure, hopelessness and hat for myself are far stronger and every night I cry and cut myself because of the things that happened in my past (I only covered a minor amount of things that she done to me) I even managed to fuck that up I cut my arms and realised that due to my job I have to go swimming so I’ve started cutting my upper legs so they won’t be noticed. I wrote this because I really needed to share my story I know few people will read this but it makes me feel slightly better.