I suffer in silence but so desperately want to be heard.
Don’t ask me whats wrong because I wont be able to tell you- just know whats wrong with me and tell me it will be okay.
Tell me things will get better.
Things wont get better right? I mean whats the difference between this school and another. Whats the difference between this town and any other?
Whats the difference between the you you hate now and the you, you’ll hate tomorrow.
As much as I’d like to think things will get better when I get out of this country I cant help but realize that the problem is me.
me: ” Not looking forward to tomorrow”
friend: “why?”
me: (what I say) ” Have a fucking bio test” (what I mean) “Because I know I’m going to wake up tomorrow, fail at whatever I’m doing, look at everybody’s real smiles while I wear my fake one, watch the world move around me while being stuck- stuck to my ever crumbling foundation with the glue that is my mental state”
The shit thing is that people mistake me for being a moody fucker who has no sense of humor or takes things too seriously- and this is one of the things I hate about the wider world is that they are too ignorant as to judge a person for what they seem like on the outside, which couldn’t be further from the truth with people who are simply having a hard time in life.
5 comments
“Don’t ask me whats wrong because I wont be able to tell you- just know whats wrong with me and tell me it will be okay.”
I’m sorry but that’s just absurd.
If you want anyone to understand, you’re going to have to learn to use your words, because pretty much nobody can “just know” what’s wrong, if you don’t tell them.
“What’s the difference between the you you hate now and the you you’ll hate tomorrow?”
Tomorrow you doesn’t know you hate them yet? What about the day after tomorrow you? Will they also know you hate them? Or is it by coincidence (let’s say “past life regression”) that day after tomorrow you already knows you hate them and the day before you as well? Maybe the only difference is that you remain indifferent to each new day that comes along, and that perhaps you need to break this cycle and think up something else.
The Riddler approves of this message. (The original Frank Gorshin, not that “other” one.)
You have the ultimate human power over your life. It will always be “okay” if you allow it to be. The thing that woke me up was someone telling me to “close my eyes, take a deep breath, and slowly open your “new eyes”. Take in every image you see, see the beauty in everything and everyone.” Slow down for a moment, stop the self insults on your beautiful mind. Look at things for what they really are, not what negativity tells you they are. We all struggle in this crazy ass thing we call life….life, what is life? Its the craziest thing on this impossible planet 🙂 but you have been given this amazing gift of being alive. You will find happiness, you have to put in effort and be patient. Don’t give a shit what others think of you if its negative(love your enemies because they are troubled too)..hold those who are close even closer. Be your own best friend and love who you are. Walk with a stride and hold your head up with pride and fuck anyone who puts you down. You are no less than any other human being in this world!
Things will get better. It is going to be ok.
You don’t have to be so hard on yourself. School will be over at some point. Hell, life is all so temporary anyway, is it really worth it beating yourself over superficial stuff like fake smiles and perceived character flaws and whatnot? No, it isn’t. And if getting out of the country is something that holds some appeal to you (even if you don’t quite know what or why), then it’s something you’d have to try.
caillte,
there is no difference with the people where ever you go, and you can’t change that, you can only change yourself, but that’s a tall order, I know that myself, this bird you can not change, but you can change a little? or just deal with it, that’s what I do, accept things as they are and, work from there, not great advice but accepting that’s the way it is helps take the pressure off thinking about why?