Does it matter

My mother is a complete psycho ***** that hates me to the extent of why I wonder I haven’t blown my brains out a lot if times I wonder if I’m even her son or something else to her like property and my dad is a wanna be thug who TRIES to relate to me when he was NEVER there for me and suddenly thinks that he can come back and think I will have no hard feelings towards him my grandparents think I mess everything up maybe it’s true I pretty much have nobody all of my friends I’ve made are on Xbox and I will never meet any of them while at school I’m a complete loser the emo guy that gave up on life when he was born I’ve felt this kind of pain for so long I honestly feel nothing anymore all this pain is nothing new I’m supposed to be the strong one the one that dosent feel pain so I just put on a fake smile and fake emotions I’ve done nothing but hide in my life mostly when it comes to religion I think that god sees I’m in pain but I’m just a research to see how much a human can mentally take before they’ve had it I’m the one everyone left behind