I don’t know what to do

I’ve bin confused lately all i can think about is whether i should kill myself or not i’ve bin so depressed idk why though i feel like im nothing all i feel is pain i can’t stop watching suicidal videos cannot stop thinking about it before i even go to bed i’ve tried i have sharp nails so i scratch myself with them it’s the easiest way to help me instead of cutting myself with a knife. Please i know it sounds stupid coming from me … but if your thinking of suicide please i beg you don’t you have meaning and life in this world. Well more then me of course ….. you are beautiful don’t let any of the bullies get to you and always think happy. I beg you not to kill yourself please. I smile alot yes i do… i’ve tried to block out depression. One day i could not stop crying i thought about actually killing myself i sat in the dark by myself. I have friends don’t think my best friend likes me even from the start she says she wants me to change im fat im ugly it’s like she’s controlling me i have a friend called taneil… she is kind nice and other. But i know that people will miss me like my mum My dads dead… I know this may be shocking to you but im only 10. But please help me i am lost 🙁 but soon i really don’t think ill be on the earth at all.