I’ve been waiting to buy my own bottle to end my life with and im terrified. As though I can’t possibly do it, but im going to make myself. I like life, I cant stand myself and all the things I don’t know.. Im not very excited, just sad. am I crazy to feel I dont want to do this but its for the best? fuck, whats crazy anyway, I know this is for the best. why am I so afraid.. I dont want to do it myself.. it astounds me everyday that I live alongside humans that can build skyscrapers, entertain millions with their humor and acting, discover brand new intelligences.. et cetera.
and here i am, weak as a breath. im tired.. I dont want to die. it doesn’t feel extremely righ.. im tired. wish me luck for Tuesday
4 comments
Dear Ivy-seashell,
Why must you do this when you turn 21? Is there no other option? We all have unique talents. Some build skyscrapers some are actors. There must be something that interests you, that you would want to learn more about and work at for a while?
It sounds like you want to live, I don’t get why you feel you have to kill yourself. What am I missing here?
Hello,
I’m very sad to hear you are finding life unbearable at this time. Would you like to talk about why you feel this way? If you don’t, that is okay but I wanted to give you that option. You mentioned “you like life but you can’t stand yourself or the things you don’t know” so it sounds like you need some time to get to know YOU and time to understand what you don’t know. It also sounds like you appreciate life, intelligence and are fascinated with how people are able to accomplish all that they have. Even though you are feeling such despair, you don’t want to die. Have you meditated on why that is? I would be happy to listen to your concerns on life and share a few thoughts with you, if you’d like. If not, please take comfort in this scripture at Psalms 72:12-14 “12 For he will rescue the poor who cry for help, Also the lowly one and whoever has no helper. 13 He will have pity on the lowly and the poor, And the lives of the poor he will save. 14 From oppression and from violence he will rescue them,
And their blood will be precious in his eyes.”
ivy.seashell ,
wow if you don’t want to die stop thinking about it! if you enjoy living then live, that realy bothers me, someone who wants to live but wants to die? cut it out and just live.