I’m only human

Why am I so mean? Hm, let’s revisit that topic again, friends; I don’t know. I don’t know why I can be so nice and friendly one second, only to turn around and state things that I hate about you. I don’t know why my natural instincts are to push people away and to be alone.

I’m strong? Well, maybe I am. I don’t get too sensitive about seemingly “hurtful” things anymore. I push through problems and life like I was built to.

Why am I like this? Maybe it’s because I dislike life in general. Not because I’m an “attention-seeking little girl” as I’ve been fondly called.

I don’t like life, nor anyone who currently exists in life. Not anyone, not anymore. It took me a few years to realize this.

We all just exist. We don’t “live like it’s our last day”, and we don’t “have a short life to live.” It doesn’t matter that everyone is running around screaming about “swag” and “only living once”, they could die the next day, or they could die in twenty years. Nothing in their life is going to change. At least, the possible change isn’t going to be an important one.

~So why live, when we really have nothing to live for?

“What are you talking about, we have friends, we have family, we have LOVE.“

Yes, and we have success, perseverance, motivation, and (mostly) the instinct to do good. To grow up and have a family, to try to make a change. But what is the end result to having a family? Everyone dies anyway, so what is the point of humanity: of life in general?

Back to the real topic, why am I the way I am. Maybe I am the way I am because this is how everyone is. This is how humans are; emotional, curious, selfish. Everyone has a spark of greed and selfishness inside of them, even if you can’t see it.

One of these days, I’m finally going to grow my wings and fly from this cursed lifetime. Can you blame me for being so ready to get away; so rebellious?

After all, I’m only human.