Hey…Can somebody help me? 🙁
I’m sorry if I’m bothering any of you…I’m new here
Ok so, where should I start? :/ I’m 15 years old… I have everything, a loving family, friends…I shouldn’t be complaining at all. I’m sorry, some people don’t have any of that. 🙁 The thing is…I don’t have anyone to talk to about my problems, it’s like no one is listening. Â I love smiling…and laughing, but sometimes it gets too hard and I want to leave, disappear. I’m a failure, I fail at everything I do. I feel so sad when I look at my mum, because I’ll never be the daughter she always wished for. The thought of it makes me want to cry. I’m never good enough, I feel stupid and I am stupid. I won’t make it 🙁 I’m not that strong.
I just want my mum to look at me and say ”I’m so proud of you.”
No one has ever asked me out…I understand, I’m not that pretty. Not that beautiful girl everyone wants to be with. All of the boys from my class ignore me, they hug all the other girls…but i’m just there, invisible,too ugly to be noticed. 🙁 I’m sorry, i’m so sorry for being here. I’m sorry if you have to read this, everything I do and everything I write is stupid. I just want to die. And I’m sorry for all the other kids who are suffering, who have it worse than me. It’s not my fault that I was born, not my fault that I was born a failure…
I’m not afraid of dying, i’m afraid of pain. I don’t want to feel it. I don’t want to leave my mum, she doesn’t deserve it. I don’t want to hurt my grandma. I just wish that I could fly away from here..or be a bird. Free..like the wind 🙂 Maybe tomorrow…I don’t know when, but very soon.
22 comments
my girlfriend would love to talk to u im sure 🙂 after she gets back from the hospital ill ask her 🙂
I hope your girlfriend is okay.
Have you tried initiating hugs at school? Tell those blokes,”I’ve got a hug for you, let’s do a group hug!”
If that doesn’t work, try again. Persistence pays, believe me.
Thank you for reading my post. 🙂
When you leave school the unpopular girls take over from the popular ones.
That’s not the biggest problem. 🙁 I wanted to get some things off my chest…but thank you. Thank you for wasting your minute..just to read this. :/
ARE YOU OK?
You’re probably not losing your mind. It could be some kind of emotional disturbance and you have to wait for the tumult to become less agitating
I’m far from okay
I don’t know. You can’t be a failure in life at 15. We tend to our own worst critics.
You could try talking to your mom or something, seeing the school counsellor.
I agree with you, but that’s the way I think… Thank you one more time!
“I don’t know. You can’t be a failure in life at 15.”
To address Duke of Marmalade:
I am not going to say anything to discourage rainbowtenshi, I am just going to say it is possible to be a failure at 15. Some teens don’t find comfort in their parents, or the school counselor, and so we become kind of numb. Because everybody says the same things ‘You don’t know anything at your age. Just listen to me and ‘wait’. Guess what? We get fucking tired of ‘waiting’. And why do I want to listen to my parents? I want to be far, far, far from growing up to be somebody like them. The school counselors say the same things as parents . . . they just put it into kinder words and treat you like a baby. In rainbowtenshi’s situation she has fairly good parents and just can’t muster the strength to build a connection between them. For me, the only reason I wouldn’t want my mom to say ‘I’m proud of you’, is that it would kill me and I’m not dying without my own permission. Though that is so absurd I don’t even need to think about that.
To address rainbowtenshi,
I’m a 15 year old girl too and it kills me to look in the mirror. It makes me want to cry, and crumble, and it has already broken me. But who is to honestly say? Being “pretty” won’t mean much as we grow older. You can’t call yourself “not pretty”. That is an opinion. Just because teenage boys don’t want to ‘date’ you, doesn’t mean you’re ‘not pretty’. You said “I feel sad when I look at my mom, because I’ll never be the daughter she wanted.” It’s okay. Parents have something to learn too! At one point, they’ll realize that everybody is going to grow in their own skin, that everybody develops their own minds. Parents aren’t there to make you. They are supposed to teach you from their own mistakes, and tell you what made them become successful in the parts they Did become successful in.
You know what is so beautiful about you? It’s that you would cry because you can’t be the daughter your mom wanted (I do cry about that all the time). It means you have the ability to care about others and try your hardest. And if you hold to that, then don’t think you’ll be such a failure in the future. Because you already have one of the greatest tools developed now.
This is my secret: I wish I was a bird too. Call me cowardly, but it would be nice to fly from hell sometimes. But the thing about being a bird is that 1) you can’t stay airborne forever 2) you can’t fly away from yourself.
You. Are. Strong.
You can email be if you want devinbelver@yahoo.com I’m the same way in school :/
Thank you so much. 🙁 Stay strong and smile!! 🙂
And I totally agree with you, you can’t fly away from yourself..
You apologize too much. Don’t feel like you have to have been through some insanely tragic ordeal to “earn” your right to be depressed. Sadness has many, many different forms in this world, unfortunately.
You definitely have some self-esteem issues. And I don’t blame you, I do too. I am a failure as well, nothing to be proud of. I know how it is to feel invisible. Sometimes all you’ve got is hope, and you must have at least some of that to still be here, right? Of course, like you said, you don’t want to hurt your family either.
Why do you think you’re stupid? Just remember that often times you are your harshest critic. But seriously, what makes you think that?
And no, you’re not bothering us. Welcome to SP, stay as long and post as often as you need.
@TheRiver
Depression comes in many ways. In the end, it all hurts the same. It goes as said: ‘My problems to me, hurt as much as your problems hurt to you.’ Sure, that could be argued. You don’t have to have a ‘right’ to be depressed. You just are, and it sucks. I know for sure that I don’t Want to be depressed, I just am (Well, yes, I have my tragic reasons). I am stuck here at the point of no return where my greatest wish is to die Tonight. The next greatest wish is to dissapear tomorrow.
But for you, rainbowtenshi, it really is important to know that we are our harshest critics sometimes. Why? Because we are trying to find something inside of us. While we’re doing that, we see a lot along the way. We find so many things we hate. And since they are inside of us, we begin to hate (dislike, not approve, etc etc) ourselves.
For TheRiver again, is there such a thing as apologizing too much? I didn’t think so. How can you apologize to much? You can’t tell somebody that you seek forgiveness and wish to not repeat your mistake ‘too much’. There is only apologizing for the wrong things. Such as rainbowtenshi is trying to apologize because she can’t be the ‘daughter her mom always wanted’. It’s not the fact that she’s apologizing too much, it’s the fact that she’s apologizing for the wrong thing.
Rainbowtenshi, you shouldn’t be sorry for being who you are or who you are not. Maybe everything isn’t 100% perfect about your life, but it doesn’t make you such an imperfect person. What more can I say? I beat up on myself all the time for being a ball of imperfectness. I don’t think I’m perfect. And I soley believe I’ve turned into an epic failure. But I’m done apologizing to people (parents, acuqaintances) for not being able to be their perfect picture. Just because there is a perfect picture, doesn’t mean there is only ONE perfect picture. 🙂
@StruggleOn
When I said “you apologize too much” I was just addressing rainbow repeatedly saying sorry for “bothering” us and for us “having to read” her post. I was just trying to say that she shouldn’t feel like she’s annoying anyone by posting here. That’s all I meant by that.
And yes, it all hurts, no matter what form it’s in. Some things hurt more than others, but then different people have different thresholds for pain, and different causes of pain. What might make one person depressed for awhile might make another downright suicidal.
Okay. Understood. And I agree, raibowtenshi, you don’t need to apologize for posting and us reading it. It is our choice to be here. It was our choice to click into the post. It is our choice to comment . . . Unless you have my voodoo doll or something. . . but I hope you don’t . . .
Don’t be sorry for being sad. You are allowed to feel sadness, you’re a human being. And even if there are worse cases than yours, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t express your feeling, it doesn’t mean you have to deny yourself. There is always something worse, but there is also always something better. Don’t feel guilty for being a victime. And I know many people must have said that to you before but, things get better.
I was like you years ago, I was completely depressed and attempted suicide several times, I saw many therapist, I was a huge failure at school, and a shame for my family.
Now, I study the things I love at the university, I am one of the best student, I have a great boyfriend who loves me and whom I love, I was able to find a job (quite hard in my country now…) outside of my studies. My parents are proud of me and the people who despised me are now worse than I.
If it worked for me, it can work for you as well.
Literature helped me and philosophy helped me go beyond all that. Therapists never did. Find a reason, and trust yourself.
Yes, you can.
😉
Well, let’s be honest here freedomseeker, neither you nor anyone else can say with any certainty that “things get better”. Maybe they will and maybe they won’t, all that is certain is that if you’re dead you will never know what could have been. Whether it would have been better or worse, or more of the same.
I’m not trying to ***** you out here, sorry if it came across that way. Things got better for you, and that can be seen as inspiration to others still holding out hope. So thank you for sharing.
I didn’t say it will. Because you’re right, I don’t know and nobody knows. I just lighten a possibility. It can happen. Even in the darkest hours of our life, it can get better. I was at the bottom of everything, I used to react the same way as you do, I didn’t believe in anything anymore, and I have to admit that years later I realized people were not so wrong. I think we’ll never be in perfect happiness, we’re too torn. But it can get better.
And I hope she will get better. And I hope she will find a way to be self-confident, to accept herself, with her flaws and her qualities.
By writing that previous message, and this one too, I just want to send her hope.
I know you do. I don’t think you or anyone else is wrong when they say things can get better. I absolutely believe they can. That’s why I’m still here, after all.