So yeah, im new here and its really hard to write here although noone knows the hell who i am. Have been here now 2-3 months or so, watching other peoples posts n stuff. I can t believe its hard to write here bout my feelings, i mean noone here knows me and most guys here are quite nice. The void in my soul just so gigantic. Ist hurts so much. Its anxiety, i Know it. Sounds weird although i seemingly feel nothing anymore, i know im scared.
So this ist where i am. Feel free to just skip this post now. Im doing this cause i thought it might help to write things down.
Tomorrow im going to school again i missed again a week of school although i already had a new start after i missed 3 week s of school. I only was able to go to school for about 3 weeks i guess. Tommorrow i want to Start going again. The reason i missed so much is just that i fucking hate live and school and all the people. Im always alone at break and dont Do anything. I am a Social retard since i started middleschool. I can t connect with people. Im just so weird and icant be myself. I dont even know who iam and if i have a personality at all if it can  called one. It am so different in this shitty world. Like an alien i feel.i have one year of school left, will be finished summer next year . If i cant Do it i dont really want to live. So yeah tomorrow i will try to go. Hope i can do it. I dont want to die yet i have goals i want to achive. I want to fight for my happiness somehow. Ist just that this indifference and pain in my heart feel so strong. I dont want any thoughts of death anymore all day i dont want to feel like a walking dead anymore . I want to live and love, its not like i know such people like wich is why I want to be like that, although i suck. Im such a horrible Person  cause i dont feel able to love anyone not even my parents. I feel lonely, hurt, sucidial and unable to love.im So weak. I hope i can do it tommorow. People will be normal i know. But i know what they will think.“ Oh hes back . Wonderwhat  hes been doing again. He has some problems didnt think he would still go to school.“  Im So contradictory im scared of people and yet i say such things as above. Will i have a happy ending ?will i do it? I have a limit if i can t change in 2-3years im just ganna end it. Theres no point in life without change and personal misery. Its just a waste.Have a nice week.
6 comments
i understand you completely. i can’t help you, i can’t even help myself.
I know you’ll do fine tomorrow. Just keep your head up and screw what anyone else thinks(we are all unique), you sound like a really cool person. You sound like your really trying to turn your life around…Best of luck to you
Thank you.
You have reasons to be sad. When there are reasons there are solutions. You can fix your life. It’s when there are no reasons and you still feel sad. You can do it. You say yourself you have goals. Focus on those one day at a time. Keep writing. It helps. You are stronger than you think.
I didnt see this before. Well now i do and think your, right thank you.
Thanky you