I don’t say how I’m feeling to my friends. They’re all too busy with their everyday life to even focus on me, I know that this sounds a little self centered, but I’ve told my friends how I really feel, and I usually get the same response: ”What is so bad in your life?” ”What is happening that makes you feel this way?” ”What is so wrong?” They don’t get it. I don’t feel this way to impress them. I don’t hurt myself to entertain them. I don’t do it for anyone, because they don’t get how dark it is in my head, they don’t know how many times I tell myself that I’m fine or you’ll get through this. They don’t understand, so why bother even telling them, but as soon as you do… You turn into a subject. You get asked 1,000 questions. One of the common questions are ”Why didn’t you tell me?” Well, I wonder why it hasn’t come up before this. What am I supposed to do? Announce it in the cafeteria? Let every living soul in on my life? No. You keep it to yourself so you don’t disappoint them. Trust me…I know that once you let them in your dark mind, you turn into a thing. No longer a person.
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4 comments
I told someone who I thought was a close friend out of everyone else but he didn’t really understand. But I think that no one can really understand a person.
The thing with keeping it to yourself, it hurts. You have to deal with the pain and sadness alone, thinking that they don’t really care. But it is also painful when you tell others and they’re just apathetic. Also, I somewhat agree that they won’t really see you as a person anymore. Technically, they would but I feel that it’s in a more condescending way. The blame in the end is put on you, for making the decisions you did and just living your life the way you did. The majority sucks. 🙁
I told a few of my friends growing up but none of them really seemed to care that much or understood the nature of the situation. Their advice wasn’t much to go on, if they imparted any at all. It’s hard putting on a mask around your friends and pretending as if everything’s okay. They see an alternate persona of you. But it’s not the real you.
I agree. Once that mask has been put, it’s hard to reveal who you really are, what you really are feeling inside. You want to reach out and maybe get them to listen to you but it would break their image that they’ve already established.
you still wearing that mask you forgot you put on to trick yourself