how does he not understand why i don’t have the will to live anymore?! actually no, he doesn’t care. its because of people like him that take and and take and take, and are actually loved, but their main goal is to act like a parasite and then just leave once they’ve sucked everything they possibly can from you, and you have nothing left. he literally doesn’t care how much he takes from me. he doesn’t care that he causes another person to not want to live. he’s breaking up with me over a situation i may not be able to control. he won’t even give me a chance. and he doesn’t even have all of the information yet. he’s being completely irrational. he KNOWS i love him more than anything on the planet. and he doesn’t care what he does to me or what happens to me. i know he’s scared, i’m terrified, so now he’s going to throw me away completely. this is what he ultimately wants, i die, he gets his way. well its working. i try and be a good person. i try as hard as i can. for him. all the time. he doesn’t ever care about any of the consequences i get that he causes. and now, in this situation, i may not even have any control. and we may not even need what he wants. but he won’t give me a chance. just hangup, bye. never talking to you again. HOW CAN YOU THROW ME AWAY LIKE THAT?!?!?!? AFTER EVERYTHING?!?!?!? WELL YOU WIN THEN. YOU GET WHAT YOU WANT. I HOPE YOU’LL BE HAPPY THEN. forget about the ignorant people in the world, it may not be their fault, but him, he’s the dangerous, who will suck you dry, not have an ounce of care for you, take every bit of love care time sanity life everything you have, and then leave you in the dirt. I’m so hurt. I’m so hurt i can’t function. I’m so hurt. no, i don’t want to live. how could he possibly think that?! i just wanted a somewhat normal, decent, relatively happy and healthy life. he just prevented that, and he’s going to do everything else in his power to make sure of it. i loved him more than anything in this entire world. just disappear.
before i woke up today, i had a nightmare that all these people broke into my house and were shooting at me like crazy, one person grabbed hold of me and demanded i tell where my boyfriend was. i refused. i kept refusing. so he scooped my eyeball out, started cutting off my arms, my ears, toes, feet, etc, etc, kept going because i kept refusing to tell where he was. this is completely reflective of my real life. i love this boy more than anything, and bend over backwards for him. but end up killing myself in the process. and just sometimes, i want things in return. which he made it clear, he won’t give me. when i met him, i was the happiest girl in the entire world. i don’t care that there are other people out there, i want him. or at least the good that is in him sometimes. not this awful thing.
I’m made to feel like the awful person? he takes no responsibility. and just is angry until he gets his way and his way only. and make me feel like an awful person until everything goes according to him.
I’m just going to crawl in to a ball.