My body is destroying itself. Suicide would only speed up the process that had begun the day I was born.
I have a chronic illness. On a typical day, I wake up feeling as though I haven’t slept, struggle to get ready for work, barely get through work, and have to crash as soon as I get back home, sometimes without so much as eating. If I’m lucky, the pain is at a 5/10 or below. If I’m not so lucky, it’s at at least an 8 and climbing the longer I push myself through a day. Apparently my 8 is a normal person’s 10/10.
Right now I can’t even walk, I can’t do anything for myself. Though I’ve been sick since I was a child, my health problems have gotten exponentially worse in recent years. I don’t think I can keep doing this, and the only reason I don’t end it now is that my family specifically told me not to commit suicide. If this bedridden, frequent hospital/doctor visit, uncontrollable pain existence continues, why shouldn’t I commit suicide?
My family wouldn’t be able to handle it. They want me to be successful and live a full life, but the longer I live, the less possible that seems. I can’t stay in a relationship. Partly because I’m difficult, and partly because I don’t want to die on someone due to illness. I keep going for my family. The pain is unbearable.
2 comments
sorry to hear about your pain. That sucks. I can’t even imagine what that must be like. One thing you mentioned is you keep going for your family. There are some stories I’ve read here about people who don’t even have that. There’s the kid whose father stomps on his head for getting bad grades and others I can’t remember at the moment. I know that’s not much of a help, it’s like saying “eat your food, there are children starving in China” Anyway, nice to hear your family is with you.
At least your family still believes in you. I have led my family to hate me and never believe in me