Heartache|Heartbreak – Am I crazy in love?

I cannot fathom the thought of love.

There was a moment 2 years ago where I experienced intimate love for the very first time. At that point in time, I felt like I was on top of the world – but, when after almost 7 years, you’re world decides it wants to move on, you are left broken and cold – it all changed.

Although my love towards this individual has only changed from intimate to platonic, it becomes a ride of anxiety-fear-hope-annoyance, because it has been 2 years since we’ve seen each other; 6 months since we’ve emailed each other; I am waiting to hear from the other end. I know that perhaps I may never hear again, but my feelings of love and care cannot deteriorate over time. This individual was a huge part of my life.

I am past being obsessed – I don’t “stalk” – I have come to terms that my ex has moved on with another, but although I’d love to enter a new relationship, I am finding it so difficult! I don’t wish to compare, but it’s hard not to; I give the potential a chance, but it never works out in the end.

I sometimes wonder, am I crazy for still feeling love and care for this ex? Is this normal?

It doesn’t help when my home life, with my family, is turbulent. So, it’s hard to talk to anyone about it – I don’t have close friends, or friends that I would call to hang out with, more like friends (on a basic; kill-time sort of level; not like a best friend).

This shit storm has conjured up depression, and it’s crazy, because I’m generally an outgoing-bubbly individual.