They tell me to ‘stay strong’ and they tell me that things get better but do they really? I’ve been told this saying for 4 years now and nothing has gotten any better for me. In those 4 years my dad left over summer and while he was gone he cheated on my mom. He’s back now. Shorty after my mom got rid of my two dogs that I loved so much because she said that I “didn’t care about them” well I did. I cried for days thinking about them. Then about a year after that bullying got bad for me, it was the worst year of my life. I heard comments everyday when I went to school, girls would giggle in their little groups and whisper words like “ugly”, “fat”, and “loner”. Then Junior High came….bullying wasn’t as bad, I would still get stares and comments then and there. I started cutting that year, I lost my best friend, and my great grandpa died. He was the first family member that I knew and saw every holiday. He was my role model. I felt like he was the only one that cared about me, the only one that believed in me. Sadly I have not been able to stop self harming, I just cant find a reason to stop. No one knows about my cutting, I just don’t think there’s a point in telling anyone. It’s not like they care. So now it’s the end of 8th grade for me and then I’m going into high school. I can’t do this anymore. High school means, new bullies, new heartbreaks, new scars. I’ve never been so suicidal in my entire life to where I’m at the point where I am thinking of ways I could leave this cruel world without it being so painful and mostly unsuccessful. I couldn’t imagine what my life would be like if I failed. I can’t fail. I need to die, I don’t belong here. I just want all this pain to end. I cant handle anymore….
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Where do you think you belong if I may ask?
I know how you feel. Losing the closest person to you, being bullied by just being there. It’s a cruel world. “Stay Strong” isn’t just something I tell someone. To me, it’s myself I’m telling it too as well. I have to stay strong so I can be around to help. I won’t tell you to stay strong. You’ve already tried for so long. It’s hard. 8 years for me. Nearly 4 years of stressfully clean. It’s hard. Life is shot. You must block out what they say. You know it’s only lies. I know they’re lies. An Angel can’t be ugly. Especially to a Knight. I know what you’ve been through. I’m going through shit as I type this. Parents who don’t understand taking away what little hope I have left. Cutting is coming back. Suicide is always on my mind. It’s hard to deal with. I will be here for you as long as I can.
I will be here for the both of you. You are not alone in this.
I belong in the ground, dead…
Thank you, I’m sorry that you are going through the same stuff. It sucks…but I guess its possible to get through this, just not easy. You can do it though, I believe in you. Never lose that small bit of hope, it can save your life.
That small bit of hope is slowly fading in my life. My friends are gone, my music is slowly dying, and cutting is constantly on my mind. It’s hard. It’s painful. If you believe in me, you’re one of very few.
People bully others because they aren’t comfortable with themselves. they might be “good looking” but still they are unhappy. When you get to high school do not pay attention to anyone bullying you, they will eventually get tired. I was a bully and also bullied by others. Telling you to stay isn’t gonna do much because people tell me that all the time and I feel like they don’t care so they cant come up with something better to say.
I can tell you is to stay true to yourself and don’t do things you normally wouldn’t just to fit in. You will regret that when you realize those who you called your friends were not really your friends, they were just using you. By staying true to yourself and being you, and someone accepts you just the way you are, keep that one person because that will be a real true friend. one true friend is worth more than you can imagine