Inspiration and Expectation

I am an inspiration to many both here and in my life outside. I am a preachers son, and expected to act like what I am not. I am looked upon with judging eyes everyday. I am an inspiration to the church, showing teens aren’t all the world says they are. I am an inspiration to my friends by always trying to make them happy before me. They see me as a person who will do anything to help them. I am an inspiration to my family. I have 6 siblings. One is a drama girl, the next an attitude awkward child, and the rest demons. They know not of my past or scars, nor will they.

I first cut when I was 9. I was stricken with depression when all my friends turned on me. It happened when I was 8. I told my best friend to “go die for all I care”, and she was killed that night by a gang. She died in front of me. I began to cut. I attempted suicide, but the cars stopped halfway.

14, grade 9. People found out about Alexia. They distanced themselves, calling me a killer and murderer. I had few friends, none of which knew of the situation. I cut all year, listening to the people around me and my family as they insulted me and brought back old wounds.

I attempted suicide twice. First failed because my little brother woke from his nap. The second, I was hanging in my basement nearly unconscious when my friend called me.

Aether: loyalty, trust, leader

She called me. She said she would “walk all the way through the nine rings of Hell and slap Death and even Satan himself around and drag me back”.

Capitorian: Defending others, being there for them, helping others.

She said I owed the debt of a life. “Pay it now by living for me”

Nehoan: Love Friendship Hope

She, the little sister of the girl I got killed, said that I needed to live “because you are all I have left, and I can’t lose you too”.

I decided to live and fulfill my promise. “A cut for a cut, a life for a life, even if I die, you must live your life. Swear to me now as I die, you will never say goodbye” -Alexia Starlit.

You are not alone in this wretched world. You must live to see the light. Crack the mask and find someone you can or have been close too. Tell them your past. Show them your scars. If they care, they will stay. If not, I still will. Remember, I am here. why shouldn’t you stay?