alright, it’s been a while since i’ve been on here, but, i exist still
nothing has really changed. my anxiety isn’t AS bad, i guess. I’ve been having more panic attacks though. a while ago, i talked about seeing things- and i still do. worst than before. it’s an all day thing. i always see things, i feel like someone is watching me 24/7 i feel uncomfortable all the time.
i have depersonalization disorder, but it isn’t really as bad as it was. now that i can actually deal with reality, i have come to terms that i absolutely hate my body and the way i look. i am now vegetarian  (it’s my 8th day!! 🙂 ) and i barely ever eat. today i  made myself purge, and i’m planning to do it again later tonight. i used to make myself puke every day  around winter time, but then i just stopped because things just got too complicated and whenever i wanted to eat, i couldn’t because i’d almost puke.
anyways, i threw out my razors. i highly regret it. i wish i could cut myself right now. i’m aching for the feeling and sensation.
my spelling has also gotten worse. i used to be alright, but i’m not sure what’s happening. my parents drinking have not changed, in fact, dad and mom got drunk last night and i had a panic attack about that. blah blah
dad called me worthless. a lot.
my only 2 friends are liars. all they do is lie, and it pisses me off. i am too depressed to go out anymore.
i don’t really have school anxiety anymore because i know how i can get all my credits back, so that’s a more positive statement.
somtimes i just really wish i’d get hit by a car, or just like, kill myself already.
i’m just so tired of seeing and hearing things that aren’t even real.
i just kinda want a friend that wont shut me away, that wont lie to me, or wont forget about me. i know i’m a boring person but i think i deserve at least one friend.
8 comments
Hey, first of all sit down, close you eyes, and ask God for help.
okay look, i understand that god may help you, but religion gives me more anxiety. sorry, no.
Not religion….God.
This video 27,000,000 views on YouTube sums up what I’m trying to say:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY
@thereishope
Advisory: Folks here on SP ain’t too big on religion and religious affairs. We appreciate what you’re doing, but try not to be so ‘forthcoming’ with it as most people on this site have in some part lost faith for the time.
@bunnygirl
In saying that, don’t lose faith in yourself and it’s good you’ve made the choice to come back and keep everyone updated with your sitch. Good luck as you move forward with your life :-)… and sorry, I doubt I’d be the friend you’d need at this time. I hope you do find someone though!
I totally understand.
hey bunnygirl….i know exactly how it feels to be like this in case of friends…i’ve been thruough this alot of times…..my advice to you is that it’s really good that u’ve decidd to deal with this…:)..just stay strong and yaa whenever you feel low feel free to share your grief with us in SP….i know that all of us will always be too happy to be there for you…:)…
I remember something you said time ago.. “i spend most of the time thinking to myself. Trying to tell myself that yes, these people exist! They do have feelings and they feel sad sometimes too..but then again, how can i be so sure?”
I’ve been quietly reading your posts, i feel like i’m talking with someone that goes through what i’m going through. I’d like to talk to you, sometimes.
There are days i just get out of the house and walk for hours in my suffocating little city with my feet on the edge of the sidewalk, hoping in a gust of wind.
People around me are like muffins took out of the oven, they all do the same things, they don’t see, they are furniture of a hollow apartment, and i’m in the middle wondering what i’m doing with my life.
I’m doing nothing, really. I’m just sitting and waiting for my time to come. But this thought “gives me headaches, keeps me up at night”.
Nothing is gonna be alright ever, for nobody of us. Happy summer