Im sure my brain is “wired” incorrectly

Unable to sleep propperly since a child

Earliest memory is standing above a large drop (for my age/height at the time) wating to throw myself down it

So I have been wishing death since 4/5 years old

Im almost 30 now and it cant continue

In the past I have tried a mix of different drugs, as one does in younger years

I found almost all of them to produce strange effects ine that no one else got

Mdma made me feel like my body was stuck in slow motion. Anti depressants are based on this kind of chemical structure and in turn cause similar horrible and undocumented effects and increasing the want for suicide

….. loosing track a bit but it seems I have been damaged from the start and should not be forced to keep living for other peoples benefit