I just want help or maybe to stop living or run away from everything. I’m at university and I have friends but I’ve lied and cheated to everyone and haven’t lived up to my parents reputations or expectations. I want to be alone away from everything. I think about killing myself but more than anything I want my guilt and sadness to stop. I feel awful and horrible for the way I’ve acted but I can’t go back on my actions. Apologizing to people 4-6 months after the fact doesn’t solve anything. I feel horrible. I just want to be done with everything. I can’t handle this. Â And as a male I feel like I can’t ask for help until I can completely pay for it (in secrecy) by myself. I am torn between so many emotions. I just want it all to end
I’m sorry for the rant. I just need this out there…somewhere.