the only memories I have of my childhood are of my father, telling me how worthless I am, calling me horrible names when I was so young. I was 16 when I was finally allowed to make the choice to never see him again, up until then court orders had me there. I was mentally and even physically abused for what should have been my childhood. When someone tells you something so often for so long you really start to believe them “maybe I will never mean anything to anyone, not even my own father loves me” I tried so hard for so long to not let it get to me but even my concise couldn’t keep it away.
I was 15 the first time I tried to take my own life, laying in hospital after my failed attempt my father stood. Not saying a single word. Did he even know it was partly due to his hurt that I was there.
I decided to move schools and get out of the town I’d had so many bad times in and this is when the hate started to begin.. Day in and day out for reasons beyond me I got bullied via text, MySpace, Facebook. I had group pages made about me saying I was a slut. Which to look back on now I see in somewhat of a different way seeming as I’d only kissed 3 guys.
I couldn’t seem to get away from it, and my name became the topic of every single persons conversation. Everywhere I go people know my name, I heard things about myself that were so obserd I still can’t even fathom how someone made it up.
All these people causing me pain had no idea what I was enduring, not only from them but from my father. I often wonder if they did, would they stop? I’ve been dealt so much hurt in my life this couldn’t even begin to describe all the horrible things I’ve put up with to simply live.
I feel so alone, 2 months ago I tried again twice to kill myself but both failed (can’t even do that right huh) I was in a mental ward for the second time and this time I literally felt insane. I wake up everyday hoping this’ll be the one, the day I die. The day my pain gets taken away.
I’m searching for something and I’ll find it in my after life â¤ï¸
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I feel really bad for you because I have been through much of what you are talking about and it hurts a lot. I came from an abusive home and I was like in a mental coma for the first 23 or so years of my life I dont know how I even lived through it. But I believe you can turn things around and find your slice of happiness in this world. Get away from the abusive people and find good people to be with.