Ellen is spontaneous, outgoing, kind of overbearing at times- but that is what make her so fun to be around- she’s always thinking of things to do and places to go. I, on the other hand, am awkward, shy and rather painful to be around due to a inconvenient addiction to poking people. I have sort of formulated it in to a language.
Through out my life, social ineptitude has been quite detrimental and has never failed to ruin important social encounters, it’s surprising I ever managed to acquire a boyfriend; my friend Ellen managed to conjure several relationships and buckets of friends. She has this ability to just make people like her, and generally end up loving her. To me she seems to have an invisible wand which she carefully and subconsciously flicks to lure every male in the area, as if she has learned the way their gears turn so well that it has become a second language. I’ve learned that if I ever want a chance with a guy he can’t meet her let alone know she exists until I’ve got him entangled with my charming gaucheness. It’s honestly not that charming, I’ve seriously frightened a few people. It’s just not possible to be as discrete as I’d like to be.
I’d personally love to have a guidebook to social interactions.
I suppose this is not entirely related to suicidal thoughts or direct depression but lately it’s been more troublesome and agonizing than ever, I just don’t understand the ways of human connection, and people think that it’s probably cute or something and I am over-thinking this, but it has become a severe impairment and has lead to my mental conclusion of being alone and losing hope of having any future friendships or significant others.
3 comments
I might be awfully wrong in this but you sound like a legit person, your friend sounds like a manipulative type.
I’d rather talk and create a real bond with a legit person than one with someone who might ditch me as soon as she grows bored of me. As i said before i might be awfully wrong, but that has been my experience with people similar to your friend (according to your description).
One extreme to the other, right?
Ellen doesn’t have a lot of friends, just a lot of acquaintances. I actually had one of those types admit to me that they feel like they aren’t loved unless they have constant attention.
That kind of manipulation is just an extreme version of what people normally do. People like people who are interested in them. If you act like you like somebody, they will like you back. “What you give out, comes back.”
If you are closed off and shut people down, they think you don’t like them and will respond accordingly.
charisma is not an intrinsic trait, with practice and persistence you could very well obtain it as well. The absolutely vital quality you need to be charismatic is confidence. With confidence you allow yourself to make mistakes when interacting with people which is exactly how you learn new things. Without confidence you beat yourself up over the tiniest trip ups or anything, which hinders you from trying again to get it right, which then adds to a vicious cycle. Be confident, speak slowly, speak clearly. I used to have absolutely crippling social anxiety as well until I got on prozac, now I actually love talking and talk too much lol. You just need to project a friendly ambiance and seem enthusiastic, people are drawn to positivity and enthusiasm. With confidence it’s quite easy to become charismatic, keep trying! There are books out there actually that give tips and instructions on how to obtain charisma, you might want to check them out 🙂