It’s Â almost to a point where I wish I was dead just to end the nothing. The deadness inside. So much pain. Pain is all thats left. Pain and more pain. I cling to the pain like a life raft. I’ve shut out to feeling anything else. Its like being colorblind. More like LSD. Pain is like LSD. The colors are brighter more vibrant when tinged in LSD or pain. Every other feeling is like normalcy. It feels dull. The world just isn’t as vibrant. Happiness doesn’t feel as happy. Its tinged. It feels like the difference between color TV and black and white. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen the world in color. Since I’ve felt anything in color. The only show on In color is pain. Pain is the only chance I get to feel anything anymore. I know why people cut kinda. Its to feel something. I don’t think I can stand only seeing pain in color anymore. It can’t be the only thing to feel. To live for. I think it’s a permanent condition now tho. Is that a good enough reason to leave this world? Its a ringing in my head that just won’t go away.