Still angry at myself for going back on my promise of no water. I’m going to probably what’s seemingly rambling but I need to get things off my chest. I got a message asking me about medications. I’ve been doing medications since I was in my early teens and NONE of them have helped they just leave me walking around like a zombie. Its amazing how many people can use the word “unstable” towards someone and not realize how much that word can hurt. Truthfully, YOU never knew of my bi-polar disorder, why? because I”M FUCKING ASHAMED of it. Then people use that word that only helps throw us in a downward spiral making us feel like we aren’t worth dog shit. I’m sure probably the MAJORITY of those people on here will know exactly what I am saying and understand because lets face it society doesn’t want to ACKNOWLEDGE we exist. They would rather make us be ashamed and fearful to talk about it. Why go to a Doctor that’s only going to put you on medicines that DON’T work and sits there “listening” to your problems but doesn’t know how it feels to be me. He can’t no matter how much he tries, plain and simple.. sighs. I can’t sleep and I don’t know what to do at this point but I’ trying to find something to occupy myself right now so I won’t feel the hurt or anger right now.
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Hi kem67…
I’d like to think destiny brought me to your post…(Does that sound as cheesy in your head as it did mine? Lol!) Anyway… You see while I, myself don’t suffer from bipolar my father, grandmother, 3 aunts, and 4 cousins do. I struggle with depression/anxiety/former cutter issues, and many of my other family members have depression/anxiety/substance abuse problems.
I’m also disabled due to what I jokingly refer to as my “defective immune system.” In other words, if you can throw it I can catch it. (Sorry, I’ll try to cool it with puns. I can’t promise you there won’t be ANYmore. I mean I’m pretty punny. OK, OK I’ll give it a rest.)
OK…where was I? Oh yeah, I struggle with insomnia too. Sometimes writing helps. I mean old fashioned pen to paper “Dear Diary” pour your heart out type writing. Also, music is a great escape; I put headphones on and go to my happy place or my safe place or whatever place helps me relax.
I really wish you wouldn’t be ashamed of your bipolar. You have a legitimate illness the same as my “defective immune system” or cancer or asthma or herpes 🙂 and that requires medical treatment and medication. I know the side effects can be rough, but I’ve found if you give a medicine a good six months to a year they’re not as noticible.
Bipolar is something you have. It is NOT who you are and the best part is that it’s totally managable! Please don’t lose hope.
Who is society?
And it’s always maddeningly ironic: calling someone “unstable” makes them unstable. Kinda like calling someone a “*****.” Suddenly, they’re a *****! (whether they were before, they will be now!)