hello,
I am from new zealand. I am a 35 yr old man who hears distressing voices 24/7 and for the last 7 yrs. There really is little hope for me as i have tried all of the world’s medications without success. I have also tried acupuncture, psychological therapy and hypnotherapy without any luck. When you reach the end of the road with respect to possible fixes you just feel like crap and wonder what the point of it all is.
For me its quite ridiculous that i could still be alive 20 years from now. It means a whole lot of suffering occured from between now and then. It is senseless bullying.
I have researched options online briefly and there is something we all know as N which is a solution but the problem is theres seems to be a lot of scamming online and you just dont know who to trust. It can be purchased in mexico but i am not in a position where i can travel overseas.
I feel as if i am forced to be here on earth. When you think about it, no one made the choice to come into existence. You’re only here because of the choices of your parents.
The voices make me not want to be alive. I would agree that if things were different i may actually want to be alive.
Hello to any and all out there who have read my post. I will probably be lurking around here in the coming days.
Cheers,
BigMan79
5 comments
Hi BigMan, welcome to the site.
I’m 52, I have a psychotic disorder too (bipolar) and have had 22 years of it, many forced hospitalisations though have been ‘stable’ on the meds for the last 3+ years. Hearing distressing voices must be truly awful. I actually have N, and I am grateful for that, but guilt prevents me from taking that final step and leaving my loved ones behind (mother and son). I don’t want to be alive in 20 years either! F*** that! I have no job, no partner, see my son rarely and have very few friends left. It’s very lonely, and I constantly try to distract myself from the emptiness, but it always comes back, I can’t escape it.
Just wanted to let you know you’re not alone.
Hi seppuku and thanks for your message.
It is good to see that there are other people around the world who are like me. I am sorry to hear of your position. I also am not working and with my voices and the state of my mind i am unable to really focus on anything or feel like i did prior to hearing voices.
You mentioned guilt in your post. I am not able to feel a lot of guilt for some reason due to where my mind is at, i have a sort of depersonalization thing going on in my mind and i am also an antipsychotic user of many years so damage has been done, i feel. I do understand your guilt, though…and i am quite sure that if i actually was moments away from doing something that i would be just like you.
In my view you are so lucky to have N. If you were in new zealand i’d try and twist your arm to get it from you! ($$$…LoL).
It must be quite scary being in your shoes…because you are almost there. You have an insurance policy. It is priceless and you are lucky.
For me i feel as if i have no solution. Its having no solution that makes me feel even more worse because i feel trapped and stuck. I want N but cant get it because of scammers online and worries about customs. I have some money but still no solutions.
I am unsure of buying online books about methods because i feel it may talk about methods i couldnt understand. I want simple and peaceful.
That said i still dont seem to go anywhere…i am still here and could be in 5 yrs. It saddens me that sonething available in mexico in a run down store could actually save me from years of suffering 24 hrs a day. It is all so beautifully simple and yet i have no solution.
Cheers
We are forbidden to talk about methods here BigMan, but getting N is not as hard as I initially thought, if you know where to look. I hunted fruitlessly for a couple of years and almost succumbed to a scammer until I found the right info…Peaceful Pill eHandbook. I understand the desire for a simple, peaceful end. Hope that doesn’t get me deleted. Best of luck.
I am new to this site as well. I found it yesterday while reading an article someone wrote about this site. It is nice to know there are others like me. I have done my research and found a great book on amazon called Five Last Acts – The Exit Path. I like the thought of a peaceful exit using helium, and while the helium was easy to get, I have yet to go any farther. I don’t know why I’m waiting. I am clinging to a shredding thread of hope. I don’t want to suffer anymore, but I need to be absolutely sure.
Kia ora Big Fella,
I’m from just across the pond (Sydney.)
I’m quite sure you’ve tried it already but have you asked your doc(s) to mix up your meds? Sounds like what you have right now isn’t the right combo for you at all.
As someone who recently tried to buy N and couldn’t quite sort it out, only to find a new way of getting through the day-to-day (at least for the time-being,) I’d rather urge you to look in other places first. What I told myself was that I was going to do my due dilligence; had to give myself a couple of months and do everything I could in that time to sort myself out before I topped myself. That way, if I do end up topping myself, it wasn’t without trying. Anyway, found a few things that make me a bit happy and have been focussing on them.