Hi guys,
I’m a 30 y/o male from the uk. Been suffering with depression for many years, mainly stemming from my upbringing. I’ve treated those close to me badly in the past, always pushing everyone away. I know my problems on here are nothing compared to others, but I feel I’m at the end of the road. I met the most fantastic girl 2 years ago and lived my life to the fullest with her. We was both so happy. But yet again I manage to ruin it, just like I’ve done with everything else. I’ve tried everything and hung on for as long as I could with hope the love of my life would want me back, but now she has met someone else. I’ve lost my love, my soul mate, and my best friend. All the love and support she gave me has gone and I’m left with nothing. Alone. I have a 3 y/o son from another relationship who has kept me going, but now that has faded away and I always have to put on a brave face for him even though I’m dying inside. I know anyone reading this will think I’m a fool, but I can’t go on without her. This is one broken heart that can’t be mended. I’m broken, crushed, and destroyed. I’ve chosen my method of leaving this earth. I had to move back to my parents after my split, I’m just waiting for them to go on holiday so I can go through with my plans. I’m not really sure why I’m posting. No amount of therapy or antidepressants have worked for me or helped me, this is the only option I have left to choose.
hope to hear back from someone. Anyone.
8 comments
I can’t really feel your pain, but I can relate to my own. Why don’t you think as how would you feel if you found another lady and fell in love with her the same then more and you treated her right and she treated you the same and the love and joy are stable and grow bigger and stronger. To me a soulmate is a person willing to work as hard as me and then things become ok. If not then we need to let go because it is not fare to call that person our soul mate while there are 7 billion people on earth. I hope this makes you stronger and hopeful.
I guess it comes down to more than just what I wrote about. Loosing her has just been the final nail in the coffin
Me personally, I loved my ex more than anyone in my life and when the relationship ended I was hurt by her more than I have ever been hurt. I was willing to try whatever it takes, to talk about anything, to give anything more a million chance. She didn’t want my love, she didn’t want me. I since my suicide attempt i have been thinking of doing it and end everything everyday, but I don’t do it because I want to live and accept the pain that comes with life then be in love again and find someone who wants my love and deserve it and give back. It is really easy to give up, but really difficult to live fully and discipline ourselves then try to figure ourselves out then help others then enjoy what we can simple yet big at the same time.
Who’s going to raise your son when you’re gone? Do you trust that his upbringing will be good enough without you that he doesn’t fall into the same depression that you’ve experienced?
One of the only things that keeps me going anymore is helping the people I love. Even though they don’t always love me back the way I’d like, it’s all I’ve got and sometimes it’s enough.
I know how that feels. I broke up with my husband last year and it was actually extremely painful. For six months I was just constantly crying and disorientated. Everyone got sick of it and now I have no one. I think becoming a recluse has made me a better person though and slowly (painfully) I’m trying to better my life.
You’re really lucky that you have your son. And imagine if your dad killed himself when you were 3 because of someone you didn’t know. That’s years of unnecessary counselling.
I understand your pain, and if you figure out how to make it go away please let me know. But you can get through this
I understand some of what you are saying, i also do push away the people that care and treated them badly. I’m in the same spot you are. i didn’t eat anything for 4 days now and its surprisingly not that bad so far in terms of the hunger pains(guess my mind focused on other things). I don’t however have a son like you but i can imagine the how the son would feel growing up without a dad. My dad committed suicide several years back and it was not fun.
Like most of us here, we plea with you not to commit suicide. if you do go on with your plans, i would recommend having everything in order with your son, make sure he is with good people. As well, i would recommend doing it elsewhere then the family home because i couldn’t imagine how your parents would feel living in that same house.
Thanks to everyone that replied. I know you all mentioned my son and how would he cope. I found myself in a place where I’m convinced he’d do fine without me. I’ve become very selfish, I know my death may hurt people, but I just think about my pain and wanting it to end.
I’m going through this now. I’ve had many relationships in the past, but none that I cherished more than her. But, my issues make me fearful, make me overly needy, and I do stupid shit. And now I’ve lost her. And it’s not that I want to kill myself just because of that (although it does clearly intensify the feeling), but I’m just so tired of always LOSING, or more precisely, of always FUCKING UP! It’s a cycle, it touches every aspect of my existence, and clearly it’s not anyone else, it’s just me. I was a mistake. An error. And people always favor recalling shitty product. That’s what I am. Like you, I have kids. But my ex’s have taken them completely away from me. So I’m totally alone. And I get what you’re saying because I too feel like my kids would probably be better for not having to see what a total fucking loser their father is. It’s taken some time but I think I’ve finally figured out how to do it. I just have to decide when, because this pain I constantly live in, why would anyone purposefully want to continue going through it!