Ever wonder if it’s so hard to get rid of depression because maybe that’s just who you are?
I know I have constant inner dialogue with my depressed self trying to be rational and prevent the reactive sabotage I know is inevitably coming.
If I have been this way my entire life why it would reasonable to think I am going to wake up one day and feel different.
It’s not for lack of trying. I have tried meds, counseling, exercise, support groups, going out alone to network, traveling alone since I could wait forever for a travel buddy to turn up. I really put myself out there.
I go to work everyday, And make sure to plan my breakdowns and attempts for holidays or long weekends so if it doesn’t work I haven’t lost my means to support myself.
Pathetic eh? Maybe I am getting what I deserve and that’s ok I don’t feel sorry for myself I would just like to end my stint here.
3 comments
I have always considered myself a “sad” person. Always generally feeling sad about something. I’ve come to the conclusion that I kinda like being depressed. It makes me feel alive and it makes me think critically about the stuff around me. It’s far from pathetic my friend. Maybe being happy is just something people like you and I can’t have.
Interesting you say that. I have heard that people who are depressed tend to feel more and understand more. It’s like if someone sees an accident they think it’s a shame and carry on. I know in my case I am already thinking about their family and what they will be going through. It’s like I never just scratch the surface and move on. Sometimes I tend to look at happy people and just figure they don’t know any better or simply don’t care. I rescue bugs drowning in the pool for goodness sake, I am not fond of them but why watch something struggle? Some would say they are just stupid bugs, but what I would say to that is if they are fighting for their lives it’s got to mean something. Oddly enough I highly doubt I would go above and beyond to save my own. Thanks for responding I know I am all over the place.
I can totally relate to you saving bugs. I am always saving struggling insects or mammals, because like you say, if they want to live so much, they should have assistance in getting out of their predicament. Ironically enough, I don’t assign the same value to my own life and don’t think I’m worth saving at all.