I’ve been depressed for about five years. I’m now in high school about (if) to go into the 11th grade this September. I’m pretty much at the end of my rope when it boils down to getting support. The times I have told people about my suicidal thoughts, I get in response, “That’s messed up…” “I know how you feel…” (Mind you these responses are coming from people who are just giving out a response because in reality they really don’t know how I feel.) They don’t know how it feels like to get limbs sprained and be laughed at, with literally no support out of the dozens of students that saw. They don’t know how it feels to get an answer wrong on the board and stand there hopeless, feeling like trash, again with no support, while everyone else gets problems wrong and have the majority of the class stand up and walk over to the person that needs help. They don’t know what it’s like to have practically the highest average out of the whole 10th grade yet, get no congratulations from even the teachers, the ones who gave these grades out to me, I got no awards or any spotlight of any sort. The only times really anyone comes up to me is to talk shit and how I look, and to ask for help on questions that seem ridiculously easy (to me at least), but no thanks, no, “You’re good at this.” The other students don’t seem to like me because I don’t have the stuff they have, nice cloths, extremely overpriced smartphones, a six pack, stuff to talk about and everything else (I’m a male if you didn’t know already). I know what I’m saying seems like complaining, but being invisible in school, having no real friends and having no support other than my parents (that I can’t speak to because they have massive communication issues) paying the bills, hurts. It may feel okay to most others, but this is what makes me suicidal. This is who I am. A nobody.
I understand many, many other people go through this, but they eventually received support (I know, I keep bitching about support, but what can I say, I’d like the company), but I don’t see myself going anywhere. I don’t see myself with a beautiful wife and children and a nice home. If I continue to live, I’m going to hurt others with my existence, because me talking to anyone is apparently so cringe worthy that it’ll make them suicidal. I’m currently researching painless ways to kill myself. This is my complain-painted wall of text I’ve bottled up inside in me for years. That’s my “story.”
This is who I am.
2 comments
I’m sorry to hear all this crapy stuff as happened to you… all I can tell is that I’ll help you anyway I can, I managed to pull myself out of that kind of life in my transition from middle to high school but know its sadly not the case for everyone
If you need any help just yell
And I’m sure youll find a nice girl if that’s what you truly want, don’t give up!
You can email me. I am going into 10th grade. I am one of the smartest kids in my school. I was always the one everyone came to to help them with their homework, but like you, I received no thank you. I received no congratulations, no recognition for my hard work. It was like I only existed as a brain that’s only purpose was to memorize lessons and pass tests. Nobody cared that I was a 4.0 GPA student. I wasn’t the best looking. I wasn’t the most athletic. I wasn’t the funniest or the coolest. I was just the smartest one that nobody seemed to acknowledge. Actually, I was acknowledged, yes. I was bullied for being smart and belonging to a wealthy family. I had my wrists slit, books scattered, fingers slammed in lockers, and I was spit on and received death threats. All because of my intelligence. This was one of the main reasons I contemplated suicide too. I was ready to take the pills several times and even held a gun to my head. Yet 2 years later, here I am, back on this site with a sole purpose of helping and saving others. You are not alone. I promise. You can email me at Wilkerson427 at live dot com. It doesn’t have to end this way. Use your intelligence to make a difference in the lives of others. Don’t fall further victim to ignorant people who don’t value intelligence. Prove to them that you can get further and do much more with your life than they will ever be able to. Keep your head up and email me.