I was born into a family that had an over-bearing, over abusive dickwad for a “father”. He would beat the crap out of my for not having all A+’s simply because those were his grades in school. Seriously. My mother would just stand there and let me beat me, scream at me, tell me how im worthless and nobody will ever love me. Yeah, she would just stand there. She said she never did anything is because she “cant afford to support us without his paycheck”. Yeah. And he never hit my sisters, maybe once or twice their whole life.
School wasn’t any better. I was picked on from first grade until middle school. I had one or two friends, but I had to keep them a secret from dad (I wasnt allowed to have friends). My sister whom cared for me as if she was my second mother, was kicked out of the house after she graduated high school in 1999.
My father didnt stop hitting me until I was 18. He still threatens and degrades me all the time.
I also have to deal with being unemployed, and still having bills, and tons of student debt.
Then the cherry on top. My previous life was so much more exciting than this place. I had power, resources, and loved what I did. however, this place: No special powers, no adventure, no sense of purpose, just a bunch of jerks, screwing each other over, on a slowly dying rock. No thanks. So im just here, in a world I hate, with people I hate, wishing I would have never been born. Life has no meaning because there is nothing special about life. It happens everywhere, there are billions of humans here. Billions. I can’t pick one person out of a crowd of a billion, can you? What use is there being here? Even if i get a job, i cant pay my bills. It wont be a career, by the time i have enough saved up to actually make a life, it will all be over. my whole life here, on this world,I have been told I was stupid, or what I liked was stupid or a waste of time. So when people say “do what you love”, what I like, has been repeatedly rejected, or simply does not exist in this universe. So what do I do? This is why I would rather be dead.
17 comments
Your life sounds a lot like mine… I decided one of the best ways to get back at all the mean people is to be successful…yep, it may be a long time before I get to, but I am planning to go to school to be a nurse. Theres grants and help to do that… Love ya (: , ~ New Deal
Been to school many times, I have many degrees. I’m sick of being in a boring, and shitty existance on this terrible rock. Why should I continue to exist if existing here is what makes me unhappy?
“Why should I continue to exist if existing here is what makes me unhappy?”
Because existing here is what enables anyone to experience anything at all; you cannot be happy if you are dead. In order to become happy, you must exist. Existence is the only chance you have of becoming happy… even if “existence itself” is what you think makes you unhappy. (i think you’re “over-generalizing,” and that the actual problem is not existence itself, but rather that you can’t control the factors making you unhappy, while most of the time, it is other people’s choices which control and often cause those things that cause your unhappiness.)
Find what makes you happy, and insist on attaining it, despite any and all resistance (of course, this assumes that whatever would please you, would not actually harm anyone else… but there’s your “benefit of the doubt”). I guarantee that won’t be boring… but i can’t promise it will be easy or pleasant. In fact, it’s pretty much guaranteed to be very unpleasant, because having your dreams impeded and prevented by the inconsiderate choices of others, is just unpleasant… and you’ll have to fight for whatever it is you want, unless people are begging you to receive it from them.
We shouldn’t have to fight to get people to be reasonable and fair. But we do… partly because: “people are people, and will do as they do…” and, because “any advantage given, will be taken.” If someone sees they can exploit you for the sake of their own benefit, they will. You have to make yourself a fortress, as impenetrable as possible, so as to eliminate as many of your vulnerabilities as possible…
“we only get what we can take; we only keep what we can protect.”
In other words: build your defenses first, before you go trying to make a giant gold pile with no walls around it. Don’t bother building anything you can’t defend; someone will inevitably ruin it, unless you can stop them. In order to stop them from ruining what you want to do with your life, you have to minimize their chances to damage you, while maximizing the amount of damage you are capable of delivering to them, should they insist on initiating conflict.
People, they are a bunch of liars and theives and will do anything they can to hurt others.
This world blows.
Yeah, being dead is the idea here. If I am dead, no more pain, no more shitty life, no more shitty family, no more anything. Sounds perfect to me. Rather be dead than here.
I can’t control my life because this world wont let me. Being in this body on this world has been way worse than my previous life. I would much rather be back in my old body, in my old world where I belong. I would much rather have all my power, all my abilities, all the adventures and missions I went on. Protecting or killing depending of the mission, yeah much better than this shit world. Besides that there is nothing that makes me happy.
And even if I don’t go back, death is the next great adventure, so the next one has to be better. If not, guess ill have the same problem, hopefully not with the same jerks I know now.
You say I need to have control over my life. Well how the hell is that supposed to happen? There are next to no jobs here. Combinde the fact that I am smashed into my city by six other cities, can we say too much compitition?. So yeah, no job, no money, no control. If somebody else pays the bills, you have no control. I hate it when people say “you just aren’t trying hard enough”. ***** please, I look, I apply, I pester the shit out of the manager. For nothing. So to have control is to have money, But there are no jobs. So I am stuck under my “father” and his money.
What makes me happy is to no longer breathe. To not see another face, to not take one more step, to stop living. No more being yelled at, no more guilt-trips, no more being used or taken advantage of. No more bullshit. Unless the world decides to change just to suite my wishes, which we all know it will not, death seems like the next step.
You say I need to be strong, so I can defend myself. That has nothing to do with wanting to die. I want to do what I was designed to do, to seek and destroy or to seek and protect. I can’t do that in this world. I have to go back to do what I was made for. That is what would make me happy. I was destroying whole civilizations before this world was even in existance. So where does that leave me. Like most I’m sure you think I am crazy, but I assure you this is the way I have seen the world since I have been “born” here.
‘***** please’
I might be depressed, but I can still crack a joke.
Allll right dude…
Before i post what i just cut to clipboard, i need to ask a question:
Do you actually believe you lived a previous life as a violent conqueror of “whole civilizations?”
If you actually believe that… i’m not even going to bother.
Lets say that never happened, that past lives don’t exist. Well then that makes my life the much more un-interesting and crappy. A microscopic spec (me) on annother spec (the earth), in a vast ocean of nothingness. No. There has to be more to life, than to be stuck on a rock with a planet full of disgusting humans. There has to be more than money, and material possesions.
I never said I was a violent conquerer, I said that depending on the target I would destroy or protect them. Usually I was destryoing things but still, better than this. I’m not the only one either I have met two others who are similar to me.
Pills and medications do not work, Cognative Behavior therapy is stupid, preachy and crammed down your throat by people who think they are “Christian”. The whole “you need to find god” thing is stupid as well.
I have yet to see or hear a reason to continue existing here. Sorry but the whole “human experiance” reasoning is bull crap. There is no point to life on this planet. You serve no purpose other than to take up space and resources.
You get born. Have all these preconceived notions shoved down your throat. You get shaped into what everybody else wants or expects you to be. You spend your childhood aquiring knowledge. Then you get a job you hate. Pay bills. Eat. Sleep. Go to work. If you are lucky you meet somebody you can stand to be with. But even then is it love? No, just a chemical bi-product to perpetuate the species. You might have children, maybe not. Still working a job you hate, not living a life that makes you happy. Your kids grow up, but still need your money, because nobody can support themselves. Then you die.
No thanks, you can keep it. Even if I am wrong and there is no such thing as a past life, I would rather not exist ever again, than be here.
What’s your astrological sign? Just curious.
Cancer
“Well then that makes my life the much more un-interesting and crappy.”
If you hold yourself to impossible standards (such as those produced by fantastical thinking), you’ll always be disappointed.
“There has to be more than money, and material possessions.”
There is, but the people who create the currencies with which to enslave us, don’t want us to figure that out. They make more money if we obsess over their currency… and by obsessing over their currency, we make more suffering for ourselves.
“I never said I was a violent conquerer, I said that depending on the target I would destroy or protect them. Usually I was destryoing things but still, better than this. I’m not the only one either I have met two others who are similar to me.”
Oh… i suppose i injected that part then; probably because it seemed like you were describing various video games i’ve played throughout my life.
“Pills and medications do not work, Cognative Behavior therapy is stupid, preachy and crammed down your throat by people who think they are “Christian”. The whole “you need to find god” thing is stupid as well.”
I agree with all of that.
It’s funny, i usually do the opposite: confront people with the notion that they should come to grips with the reality that god is not a real being, but is merely an idea that lots of people really really want to be real, to the point where they begin insisting it is… which is just… astonishing, to me (and many others). But some people just can’t handle finding the absence of their god, and if they do happen to encounter that realization, it can potentially destroy them. I don’t like to mess with fragile minds too much; if i think i might break it, i’d rather just leave them alone (as long as they’re not evangelizing and imposing their delusions upon others).
“I have yet to see or hear a reason to continue existing here.”
Your dismissal of a reason, does not necessarily negate that reason’s designation as “a reason.” Doesn’t have to be your reason, and not all reasons are compatible with all people. “The human experience” is plenty of reason for quite a lot of people… but it’s also insufficient, for quite a lot of people.
You know, without all that… superfluous stuff, your expression of your perspective seemed much more coherent.
I’ve certainly been a regular at the “everything sucks why bother” cafe.
At some point, i decided that there are aspects of even my own fucked up life, that i still value enough to remain interested in continuing… but i still have to figure out how to eliminate all the bullshit, so that i can focus on those things worth sticking around for. If i can’t even enjoy the fruits of my own cognition and the tranquility of solitude, i don’t want to be here either. I’m still here because i’m not quite convinced it’s impossible; just far more complicated and difficult than i think it ever should be. Plus, there’s stuff i still want to do, and i have to exist, to do it.
“…I would rather not exist ever again, than be here.”
Reminds me of a Steve McQueen quote i saw a little while ago:
“I would rather wake up in the middle of nowhere than in any city on earth.”
I agree that our currency, our economic system, our media etc enslave us, but whenever I read your comments it somehow sounds to me that there is an evil mastermind or a group of masterminds who plan this out exactly, to enslave humanity for their own profit. I’m not sure whether I misinterpret your comment though.
I don’t think the elite is actually like what you would expect from a good conspiracy theory. The system just “evolved” into its current state; of course some people pushed it into this direction, but there was never someone who planned it out exactly like this (aka Illuminati). It’s not only our elite’s fault that our system is as crappy as it is, and benefits only the rich and powerful. Of course if all the elite’s would unite in an effort to improve the system they would have the power to do so. But as long as there are still some who just care for their own profit, this won’t happen.
Yes, although it could be considered an artificial evolution.
You know what, instead of copy/pasting a bunch of quotes, here’s a link.
I know it’s not an enticing or preferable interpretation of the facts… but man, these elites, whatever anyone wants to call them, are indeed sadistic, and do in fact have extensive and elaborate plans for keeping us oppressed.
Of course, i don’t think anyone planned it “exactly” as it is… it’s more of a situation where the brilliant psychopaths have repeatedly bullseye’d a moving target, and have consistently infiltrated infrastructure and subverted the intentions of justice.
All you really have to do is follow the money.
Most people have only just recently learned of the existence of the Bilderberg group… and lots of them remain willfully ignorant of the realities therein, clinging tightly to their denial mechanisms; many of them actually have a vested interest in running diversions for TPTB, because they stand to gain, or at least sustain, by protecting the tyrants.
Those who already have the power to “control” the world, are the ones in the most prepared position to seize and/or exploit any arising advantage; psychopaths and sociopaths are notorious for being opportunists, and not being affected by the type of emotional distress and guilt that usually accompanies an undeserved transgression dealt to another. Most people feel bad when they hurt someone who doesn’t deserve it; TPTB do not. They feel good because they protect their power establishment and continue building more wealth (not that amassing wealth is wrong, but they’re trading strife that does not belong to them, from which they are essentially immune).
Okay dammit, quotes:
“The things that will destroy America are prosperity at any price, peace at any price, safety first instead of duty first, the love of soft living and the get rich quick theory of life.” — Teddy Roosevelt
“The majority, oppressing an individual, is guilty of a crime, abuses its strength, and by acting on the law of the strongest breaks up the foundations of society.” — Thomas Jefferson to P. Dupont, 1816.
Huh. Well i guess that link got stripped out…
“freedomkeys dotcom slash vigil”
Yuppers, buddy, and all that, hey clevername, Mad-hatter responded, in case you wanted to talk to him, he actually came back… I’ll just leave you to…this
I know, i saw, and i’m not going to create more pressure in that thread. If i notice him responding to my comments, or saying interesting things otherwise, i might jump in… but he’s gonna need some time to process those 90+ comments. ^^