I am a 19-year old woman that has struggled with severe depression, anxiety, and eating disorders for the better part of my life.
All my life I needed to feel like someone needed me. Of course no one hasn’t; I’m a flaw in every way imaginable. I hurt people I love without intention and I never forgave myself for it. I just wanted someone to notice something wrong but nobody ever did. I didn’t mean for everything to come this far.
The man I love once told me that suicide is one of the most selfish acts one can committ. Its true. Suicide is an awful thing, but in all honesty, would you ever have expected any more from someone like me?
There were so many things I wanted to be and so many things that I wanted to do. I was going to travel, have a career, get married and do all the wonderful things in life that other people get to experience. Unfortunately it was wishful thinking, and these things are not meant for me. I just don’t deserve them.
Please dont say I didn’t try. I really did. I can’t keep fighting in a world where nobody cares about you. My death probably won’t upset you much, although it hurts me to let you all go.
Please, for the sake of others, listen to them when you sense they may be depressed. Just the act of letting someone you know that you care could make a world of a difference. Mental illness is very real.
Good-bye & I love you.
5 comments
I hope you do not go through with it. You are not alone in the least. Believe me, I totally relate to how you must be feeling. I’m there as well. I feel like I might as well be invisible. I’ve quit taking care of myself like I should, I’m already skinny, but I hardly eat anymore. I’ve become anti social and withdrawn and yet no one around me notices. I feel as though I do not matter. If you decide not to go through with it, please reply. I’d like to talk to you, I can promise you, you’re definitely not alone in how you feel.
For the man who told you “suicide is one of the most selfish acts one can commit.” He’s wrong. Actually making a comment like that to someone who is severely depressed is one of the most selfish acts HE could commit. It shows he’s only concerned about himself and others and your pain, according to him, isn’t of any value. Besides being a hypocrite it shows he has no knowledge of the type of depression you’ve been going through. Even if he has had a rough life and pulled himself up by his own bootstraps, where’s the compassion in a statement like that. People that are depressed need help, not judgment from someone else’s closed minded views.
It’s going to be okay we all will… I’m 19 and I’m a guy and I feel depressed alot… I think alot of it has to do with our age but there’s still some good in life … let’s give it a chance? If you need someone to talk to I’ll help
I relate to everything you’ve written. I love you because of what you’ve been through and I’m deeply saddened to think you may not be here today. Wherever you are, I hope you’ve found peace. And I hope you’ll come back and talk to us xx
dear u are not suffering from mental illnesses,u r just emotionally weak.i know how does this feel,so plz dont get me wrong.but i have this self-pride.so i have decided to die.coz i feel death is better than feeling this emotional wreckedness all my life.Good luck.Hopefully u will get out of it,if u r alive.Or else meet u in the heavens. 🙂