Really!

I’ve been swimming upstream my whole life. Nothing was ever given to me, no brakes, no guidance, no chance. I’m middle aged now with 2 teens and a wife. I have no job and have been looking since April. Credit is bad, no savings, and I’m over qualified for the “regular” jobs. I get bored out of my mind with work and am on a spiritual mission. I’ve prayed and asked for truth for all mankind, a unselfish prayer for a long time now. The world is filled with violence and seems that it is filled with selfishness. This life is absolutely unreal, if there is/was a God, he must have left this place a long time ago, and I don’t blame him. Mankind is cruel and is only getting worse each day. I regret bringing my children into this messed up world. I’m at a point of just being totally lost, I don’t understand what the purpose of this life is for.