I have an old friend who deals with suicidal thoughts on occasion. He told me today he was going to kill himself over the weekend but postponed until Wednesday. I know he has tried before so I have every reason to believe him. He said he tells me because I won’t judge and suffer from the same thoughts and failed attempts. Granted I never give anyone a “warning” to put them in a position to act or have to make that decision. I agree it’s a personal decision but when you bring other people into the mix the dynamic changes. So what do I do? If he doesn’t change his mind and succeeds I couldn’t accept that I stood idly by when someone may have been able to offer the support he won’t ask for. If I reach out on his behalf it will further complicate his life and I will no longer be a trusted friend/resource. Thoughts? I have warned him in the past that if it happened again I would take action.
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I don’t really know what to tell you, because I have no idea how I’d act in your position other than not letting that person be all alone. If it was one of my friends I would stay with him/her and try to have “fun.” Sorry, I’m not really very helpful.
Thank you for responding. I have convinced them to stay with a family member for the night and that we will come up with a plan in the morning. He lives 5 hours away and we have no mutual contacts. He is also supposed to make an emergency appt with his counselor tomorrow. I don’t wanna get him in deeper and I don’t wanna regret not taking it very seriously. I am no better than him, and would not judge if he went through with it on his own. Unfortunately, I can’t help but try and help someone if they are giving me the cues . If I wasn’t given the info I would not have the chance.
I think you need to set a firm boundary with this person … make it crystal clear that you’re more than willing to talk through his suicidal thoughts in the abstract and/or hypothetical … but when he gives you dates times and such, you are forced by law and conscience to intervene who ever possible and it’s not fair of him to put you in that position to choose to violate your bond
practical dawg
“however” – not “who ever”
Thanks Dawg. Today he claims to feel fine and has all these wonderful weekend plans while my head is spinning. He doesn’t get the situation he put me in and is now nasty because I need to know he is safe and is doing what he promised. I feel manipulated and dumb. This time last year I begged for his help before I went in the hospital and he went full on mia. I didn’t have the friends, family, or social functions as a means of distraction. Maybe I am jealous of his options and maybe I felt so strongly about being there because I know what it’s like alone and if I can prevent that for someone I wanted to. I should add when I was seeking help there was never a threat or comment of suicide, I just wanted to talk. I was serious about my suicide and didn’t want to burden someone or give them the chance to intervene. Thank you again for letting me share.