So, it has been a large number of years since the first time I wanted to be dead. Gone. Not here with all of the drama and BS that i have been unable to escape since i was born. However, last night, i was for some reason given the chance to see just one small part of the insanity that has plaqued my friends and family for years. The light has been turned on! They must sit by and watch this “person” that i become, verbally bash them and make them feel like shit.
I always thougt they were lying.
Now with that light turned on, i know that it is in EVERYONES best intrest, that i turn the
light off.
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2 comments
You just need to stop bashing and say you are sorry and that you want to get better. I’m in the same boat right now. I’ve always talked shit and bashed on people, basically uncontrollably most times. I don’t mean any harm and I’ve completely over looked and over thought things.
Admit you are wrong and that you want to make things right.
Really…is it that hard?
Been there done, done that. I said I was sorry. Explained that i have no memory of this when it happens and i have tried everything to prevent it from happening again bu t for some reason the demon in me doesnt like to remain dormant for long. I have actually started wondering if THAT it’s the real me and this is just who i like pretend i am so that i can live with myself. Either way, it doesn’t matter, he gave up on me not long ago and will have his stuff packed and out within a few days. After that, i won’t have to worry about hurting him ever again. Our any other man for that matter. There will always bee my children though, and the rest of my family. I i will never be able to stop hurting them until i put a stop to this insanity.