I have been thinking about suicide for a while now. I have thought about it in the past as well. I’ve always found ways to talk myself out of it. I can’t find a strong reason to this time. I am constantly thinking about it now. I feel extremely depressed. I’m not using that word loosely. I can not tell anyone I know, because I don’t want to be identified that way. Plus, I don’t want to get hospitalized… I am seeing a therapist. It’s not helping. I actually feel worse. Now I feel like it will not get better, there is no hope. I am just going to keep feeling like this forever. It has already been years. I have tried everything to make myself feel better. I don’t just lay around feeling sorry for myself. I get out there, push myself, watch my diet, exercise… I’ve tried talking about it to some people privately online. It hasn’t helped. Someone telling me it will be ok. Giving me tips for things I’ve already tried. I know they mean well, they care enough to try and help. I promise though, I’ve really tried. I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t know where to start… to tell people what has been going on. There is so much going on. But honestly the worse part of it is, that nothing is THAT bad… Then why the hell do I feel this way. Why, despite my best efforts for years, do I still struggle with this?