I dont know what to do with myself….i feel so lost…ive given so much to accomplish something, and it lead me nowhere… now im back to case 1 and i just feel like shit…all i can think about is death because each time i think about doing something else and moving on with my life … i get this horrible anxiety feeling and it paralyze me to the bone… if anyone wants to talk to me on skype…maybe it would help, i dont know how to get out of this mess…planning to stay at my parents house hidden in my bedroom until i die or have no choice but to kill myself..
if anyone wants to talk it would help me to relate, please add me on skype, vince artist
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You have achieved something. You created something. Many in the world only ever “talk” about doing things – and never get off their arse to do it. You did it. It may not have led you anywhere just yet. But you’ve picked up some valuable experience that you can use later on. My friend was in two bands and they fell apart – he spent so much money and he felt it was the end of his music career. But in fact, it was the beginning – he used that experience and created his own band and he is now thundering ahead.
I have “failed” so many times in my creative life. But I try to keep going. Life has lots of adventures just waiting to happen (and they do keep happening). As creative people we take things personally when our “talent” is on the line. We are vulnerable and open – just like an open wound. But it does heal. And the good times make up for the bad times. Read some biographies of people in your area of talent – and nearly all will have gone though shit.
Hang in there buddy. You are worth it.
the thing is it doesnt feel like a phase…. it just feels like the end to me… i cant see any future, just pain and suffering….i just want to cry… i dont feel like pursuing my dreams anymore
There’s a saying for artists that letting go or disposing their work is like “killing their baby”. You invest so much work into everything you do, so many hours of staring at the canvas and then it may not be good enough to be chosen.
If we’re talking accomplishments in terms of art, there is sure as hell going to be a lot – and I mean a lot – of criticism towards your work. But you know what? It’s art! There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, people are entitled to their own opinion. If you think what others have to say are true, then improve. If you think they’re just giving you a hard time and being picky, then stand by your decisions and stand strong – you don’t need to defend yourself, just know that you’re happy with what you’ve done.
You seem young, so you have a fair bit to go in terms of handling defeat. When I was a child I was very passionate about art, however whenever I was out my mother would go through all of my things, crumple them up and throw them out in the trash. It hurt and there a lot of tears shed because she didn’t want me to have any artistic interests, but I kept going because I wanted to keep doing art and I wanted to get better – to be the best.
If this is however unrelated to art, you’ve just got to keep going. The faster you get back on your feet, the less its going to hurt, and the more likely you’re going succeed. Don’t dwell on it too much, it will only make you feel worse. Try and find the next opportunity you want succeed at and waste no time improving and aiming to be the best. If you fail, you’ve failed – that’s it. There’s nothing wrong with it, it just means that you’ve got a long way to go. If you’ve tried your best at something, you’ve improved (even if in a small way) and you’ll have a better chance next time.
Best of luck my dear.
Aryl, has shared some great words of wisdom.
Unfortunately we just have to go through this stuff. But it does get better. Most of us creatives are the same – we get hurt easily. Our heart and soul goes into our creative work and a critic destroys it. I have wanted to dump my dreams many, many times but we just have to keep moving forward. We’ve been given a gift, please keep your dream alive. Never let anyone put your creative fire out.
unfortunately its not so much the critics that are putting me down but the fact that i see the world as it really is, extremely cruel and ruthless, we humans cause so much suffering and i wish the human race was exterminated me included, i feel nothing anymore, and i spit upon art because it too is a part of the competitive system we have built for ourselves, i do not believe that we are good and i think pretty much everything has been done so why bother anymore
What do you consider art?
dont feel like elaborating on this one, everyone knows what art is
That’s . . . questionable. Well, alright.
Hi Andartarius, I used to have similar thoughts as a child.. with regards to killing off everyone in a single shot so no one would ever have to suffer or feel pain ever again.
But think about it. Think about all of the things you wish you could change that are beyond your control.. and then think about what you’re saying. You want to call the shots for 6-7 billion people out there – many of who do not feel as you do, and will want to live. What does that make you?
There is a cycle of hurt in the world, but there is also one of joy – the trick is to have a good eye open to both. You’re young, and you have a better chance of snapping out of depression for good than a lot of us here. Don’t let any opportunities pass you by. If you look hard enough past the horrors that exist in the world, I think you’ll find that the world is truly wonderful.
If you can’t see that.. then I don’t know.. you’re either not looking hard enough, not being open enough, or the world and its uncountable secrets and marvels (many of which you won’t even get to discover if you don’t look) just aren’t good enough for you.