I try to live myself now with no regrets but I have one from the past that I just can’t get over. I left my wife while she was 9 months pregnant and asked for a divorce. I’ve always been apart of my child’s life but I can’t get over leaving her, I never should have done it. When she’s nice to me I am on top of the world. When she’s mean or ignores me it puts me in the deepest depression. It has been over 7 years and I just can’t get over it, I try. I’ve talked to psychologist and been out on medication but it just doesn’t help. All I can think about is her and it kills me to think of her with someone else. If she would just give us another chance I know I could fix my mistake. I know this won’t happen. I just want this pain to end. I’ve got the gun and the tarp to make it easy to clean up but I just can’t pull the trigger. Why am I so weak? Would anyone really miss me? They may at first but in short time they will all forget about me. Why can’t I just do it. Everyone would be better off without me in this world. Why can’t I just do it? This pain will never end. Why can’t I just do it?
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I’m sure your child would miss you.
Does that not give you a reason to live?
Have you said this to your wife? I know it sounds hard but try it maybe
It has been the reason that I’ve lived this long. I just haven’t been able to do it to him. Now that there moving to Germany for 3 years I feel like I’m loosing my family. Everything is changing in my life right now including my job. I’ve told her many times that I miss her and how I feel and that I’m sorry but I get very little back from her. I just don’t feel I can be a good father when I feel like this all the time.
Hey imdone, regrets & guilt are the hardest thing to deal with because they can tear you down at any minute. Hell knows I haven’t figured out how to dump them, but sometimes it helps to re-visit them, if only to remind yourself that you made what seemed like the right choice at the time. Key phrase: at the time. Of course if we knew then what we know now, we would do everything differently.
If you don’t mind talking about it, what was your reason for leaving her back then? Maybe if you remind yourself of why you made that choice, it’ll be easier to accept instead of beating yourself up for getting it wrong.
A year before she had cheated me and we had grown apart. We got married when we were just 19 and 20 and didn’t know who we were. She had mentioned divorce a couple of times but I kept saying I didn’t want it and we could work it out. I had to go to a funeral and talked all night to a women I hadn’t seen in forever. I hadn’t talked to a women like that in years. It made me see that my wife and I had grown apart. As soon as I got home I told her I think we should get divorced. She tried to get me to just move to another room in the house but me being stubborn I had to completely move out and I told her we would never get back together. This is my regret as she threw those very words back in my face when I tried to get her back. I try to tell myself it was best but I can’t help but to keep missing her, it’s been 7 years and she’s never far from my mind. I know she uses me at times but I just can’t let go. I don’t know what is wrong with me and I don’t think this hurt will ever stop.
I’ll go on record saying I would have done the exact same thing. It sounds pretty clear that she instigated the divorce, and all you did was call her on her bluff so to speak. While it may not have turned out so good, man I think it was a rational choice on your part.
When you’re 20 years old, it’s terrifying to think of locking yourself into a marriage that’s already failing in the first few years. Don’t beat yourself up over that. Is it possible that you might be idealizing her, now that you don’t have her anymore?
It’s tempting to do that with all ex-relationships. Drive yourself nuts thinking you could’ve made it work if you just tried harder. But the fact is so many things are doomed to fail because the timing isn’t right. It sucks that they’re going away for 3 years, but maybe you can use that time to rebuild your life. Sounds like there are a lot of changes happening, and as they say it can’t get any worse…
Wow man, I’m really sorry for what you are going through. I know regret far too well, I keep it in a special place in the back of my mind as I go about my daily routines..it’s never far away.
My wife left me recently..I know it’s hard wanting to be able go back and fix it, but you can’t. That’s gotta be the hardest part of all. Recounting each moment doesn’t bring them back. You can’t give that future back to yourself, I’m sorry. I’m there also. It’s gotta be even worse having a child though.
But you need to hold yourself however you can, and respect her decision. Find yourself again like you wanted to when this all started. That’s what I’m trying to do..I’m trying to find myself, separate from the one I loved. Separate from my past. Move forward and learn to love life again one step at a time. I know it’s possible so I won’t give up hope. And you shouldn’t either.
I hope you never give up