I am soon to be 18 and time seems to be plunging forward. I was unable to meet any of my parent’s expectations and when I turn 18 I will be disowned because of this. Maybe it would be good to be able to never see them ever again but I’m scared and don’t know what to do. I’ve run out of chances and time. Being a suicidal child since the age of 7 with numerous suicidal attempts had already ruined my chances of surviving this family .
What did they expect when my mother beat me most of the time as a child? My parents are right. I’m a failure. I couldn’t even kill myself successfully. They regret giving birth to another failure. They make me act like we were a happy family in public or else they would ruin my life even further. “We can’t have another scandal in this family” I’ve already lost most of the people I care about. What else is there to lose? I don’t care about my family’s reputation. I always thought I would of been dead by now. All my life I’ve heard the phrases; “your an idiot” “I wish I never gave birth to you” “I never thought you could disappoint me even further but each time you prove me wrong.” I always felt that I should beat them to the punch and kill myself before my 18th birthday. I just don’t see another way out.
8 comments
im going through something like this too. ive been suicidal since i was young and my parents regret having me and tell me to kill myself quite frequently. ive tried to kill myself and have failed every single one of those times. but i think you should just talk to someone it does help but it has to be someone who means more than anything to you or it means nothing and helps nothing. i think you should try to keep going. hell if i can try, maybe you can to. ill be here for you if you need me but just try and stay strong even though its hard.
I’m a few years older than you and I was physically and verbally abused probably every day, several times a day growing up. I cried a lot to say the least and my parents were the furthest away from being sympathetic or comforting as child.
“I wish you were never born”, “I’ll send you away to boarding school and have another child”, “You’re an idiot”, “You’re the bottom of the class”, “Everyone is better than you”, “I want you to die” were just some of the things I had to take on a daily basis along with several beatings. I used to listen through the door and to hear my parents talk about me when I wasn’t there.. I knew that they honestly did not want me at all.
I don’t know what I did to deserve so much hate from them.. I know that they wanted a child – why not me is beyond my comprehension. I was a kind child, quite good-natured if I remember. I’d like to think that I have them to thank for for not growing up to be some naive brat, but on the other hand I think they may have prevented me from continuing to grow as as a genuinely good-natured person – because I learned how to bully, I learned to hurt.
You’re not going to be living under your parent’s roof forever. The ‘magic 18’, eh? All grown up. It’s your life, not theirs and you can choose to move on without them. Don’t let anyone hold you back who isn’t worth your time.
Thank you for sharing this, all three posters, awful though your stories are. Reason I say thank you is that I feel guilty every day about my 18 year old, because I wasn’t always there for him growing up and for the circumstances of his birth which were unfavourable. I hope I don’t offend any of you by saying your parents make me feel like Mother of the Year. It’s just that I never get to feel that normally…I hope you can understand and not judge me for that, I judge myself very harshly all the time unfortunately, that’s why I am suicidal. At least reading the others’ posts you can know that you are not alone in feeling unwanted etc. Aargh, I’ll shut up now (that was awkward, lol, sorry).
Hmm. Start with NOT being around your parents. Parents can be shitty human beings too. Get away from them. You’re about to be 18. You can start living your life happily away from shitty people, or you can plan to actually kill yourself and learn from your previous attempts. It’s up to you. The choices are always in your hands. Maybe right now, being on good terms with your parents isn’t an option but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t other options available. Think on it. And man up some.
i think instead of being so rude about he things you say, you should try and help someone in stead of telling them that their parents are shitty. You should try and be supportive and not like “oh whatever just man up” like you shouldn’t do that..it brings their self-esteem down even further. Some things are harder to deal with or do than others so it can be harder to accomplish or do so at least try and be helpful and not so stuck up.
..they’re going to disown you? …what the hell?! Are your parents chinese, or something, man?
I plan to move far away when I’m 18. Possibly to another country. What I’m mainly scared about is the fight that is going to happen when I’m really close to being 18. There is no predicting how the fight is going to go or end.
Don’t have anywhere to go? I’d try to stay with a friend and let it blow over like nothing… let the day fall away in obfuscation and tedium… don’t even show what’s on your mind, in fact, don’t think about it if you can..