I was in a relationship with a manipulative ***** that was also in love with someone else.
She toyed with my feelings and I felt like she was just using me so I broke up with that ***** even
though I fucking loved that stupid fucking whore, and I can’t stop thinking about the time
I shared with her. I had myself isolated from the world for several years and the only real memories
I have are with her, and I have nobody and nothing else to help me get rid of these haunting, tormenting
memories. Before I got in this relationship I was already thinking about fucking ending my worthless
life, and now I think it wouldn’t be such a bad idea now. I never had a relationship before, and I never loved anyone
before, and I loved this ***** way too fucking much, I just can’t fucking take it. Everyday I wake up, I spend the rest
of the day waiting for it to end just so I can fall asleep, but even then it’s not enough cause then I have fucking dreams
of us being happy, and I have to live knowing I can’t be happy again, or I have dreams of me killing myself, which is what I am really looking forward to. I feel sick on the inside and alone in a world full of shitty people and their fucking shit. I am fucking done.
3 comments
Wow.. You’re like the male version of myself. I was with someone who manipulated me too. Except my mom ended it. I wish i could move on, but i can’t. I don’t undetstand how i can continue to love someone who hurt me so badly. But now I have these flashbacks and memories that drive me crazy. Sometimes I catch myself growling or shouting when I have them. I hate living like this. My doctor diagnosed me with PTSD. I dream about him all the time, the dreams are so perfect but I hate having them because when I wake up they put me in a bad mood. I just wish the dreams could stay forever and I didn’t have to wake up sometimes. I wish the dreams could be real, but they aren’t. I feel like I’ll never truly be happy. I’m actually afraid to be happy. Because whenever you get too happy, something bad always happens.
how long were you with her?
My 1st love was an abuser she hit me , beat me , called me names , used me and yet I still loved her.To this day I still think about her aswell but let me tell you ive had more loves and they were better.You will find another even tho it doesnt feel like it right now.