What the fuck is life?

She lived with me for a year and we were each others everything and then she started doing whatever the fuck she wanted and didnt respect me so i broke up with her and she packed up and left. That year was so broken and fucked up but i loved her with everything in my body everything but i couldnt take the feeling of her slipping away (I could tell we were loosing our love) But even though i broke up with her I still love her so much and i wish i never did it but its too late shes trying so hard not to talk to me and im just worried she started hanging out with some heroin addict and idk i just still love her so much, and now im so alone and i feel like i will be forever. She was so beautiful and amazing and I ruined my life .