so i burned myself the other day feel like doing it again cause im not satisfied with the amount of damage.school is also tommorow dont know why im trying again at something im bound to fail at.I want to do good but you cant live in the world if you dont want to live in the world.
I do have good reasons for wanting to leave.My whole family is alive and i dont want to watch them die in the next ten years.I want things to like pause forever and the only way i can do that is by dying.this world is crazy nobody is safe and i dont want to watch my family die by gun violence or cancer.
also i feel im being abandoned by my family since my sister is leaving to college and not coming back.im certain with her gone theres no balance leaving me in the middle in mommy and younger sisters battles.I dont want to deal with it i dont want to feel or think anymore.at the same time im a oxymoron cause i constantly try and find ways to help myself when i should just give up
finally id like to die cause i just dont fit in
at twenty one almost twenty two i am the black sheep.im not successful ive never had a boyfriend.
never had a job.im going to college but im more than likely going to fuck it up with a suicide attempt.People dont believe i want help cause i act crazy in the er and mental hospital but i do want help im just not getting the right kind right now