I know what you are thinking, you are depresed cause you broke up.
Well yes i am, i started dating my couple on 13/4/2013, as you can guess for me it was quite hard to get a couple i had to decide if i needed a guy or a girl (that was actually realy realy hard to me cause in the inside i want to be loved and protected and cared, but in the outside im still male so i have to wear that mascarade of strongness and self security, so yeah for me it was a riddle, and still, anyway…) i met many people in the duality that’s my life and many kinds of people and to make it short i loved people a lot well that’s really far awany in the time line. And i met this person smart, happy, sharing, and caring just lovely but was also jealous and demandant (yes she was a girl) and j fell in love whit her inner self maybe i saw my reflection inside her we where almost 2 water drops but the fact that i am a tear was shuted inside myself alot i keept it as a secret just to my self when i told her my secrets slowly really slowly j took me more than a year as you can see, she started tasting the salt i this wather drop, so she started puting a shell between us leaving me aside not telling me her feeling (she felt betrayed maybe) she got to know hos serious was the matter when i went to theraphy and the neurologist gave me a prescription for female hormones to start the treatement ( i still dont know if i should buy them and start i need to think, the fear of becomin a monster is still in my heart you see im 189cm tall and i have something like 60 cm of shoulders also i have kind of a big chin and an angular face) she got eveb further from me and it was the closest thing i had to a human love relation, well it seems that love is also not for me, i do really try im drinking my medication im making exercise i’ve done everything doctors tell me to but seems like life pulls me further and further down actually rigth now i dont know if i even loved her in the begining maybe i was just seeking for an image of what if i was born a girl, im confused i need you guys i really do thanks for reading
Thanks
Yours forever
Noir
6 comments
I am hoping you can treat your depression and i am sorry that it didnt work out between you and her. Maybe she could have tried to be more understanding? You seem like a very kind person. I am hoping you can find someone else sometime. I truly hope you can… Find peace… Sorry for my useless reply and i will write a bit more soon, my mind isnt good at all now, sorry. Thanks for sharing this.
I hope this reply does not offend you or misguide you. I am a terrible advice giver. Sorry. First off, it is ok to want to be loved and protected. In society, and i could say even in the stone age and the like… Anytime really, that it is the males role to protect and defend, and provide security to the female. So, i will try to answer your question… I apologize if my answer is bad, but i do want to help… It seems that you want a girls perspective (view) on life, and what it feels to be a girl, how it is to be a girl, and what she thinks of different things. If she is really really nice, then she will accept that you can both talk about your problems, and share, and listen, and try and help and support each other. I do not know what caused her to do what you described about what that girl did. Maybe she had her own problems. Maybe she thinks things (doesnt know how to react),… I see that you mentioned she was the ‘jealous’ type… I do not feel that being jealous is good. Jealously can be vicious. You mentioned the other things (nicer things) about her. Sorry, i have a bad memory. I am sad it didnt work out. Only you will truly know if you really loved her, and i think you did. Sorry for wasting your time…
Thanks for reading , i mean it really, and thanks for caring you always read and advice my posts, i just dont know how to continue, the break was really a sucker punch to my efforts of healing, im in pieces again
I wish i could help you. This makes me sad… You are so thoughtful and caring… I want to cry. I do. Sorry
Dont be sorry of your feelings
yeah… I wish i could help you though… I dont want you in pain. Death should really be a last resort. I do not judge if people want to die though… I wish that she was still there for you… This world is fucked… Nobody asked to be born. I want to die because my life has no direction. I am existing. I am a failure. I wont be able to make it in this world. So here is some more poor advice from me, which is, try and keep yourself occupied… Eat,watch TV, Talk to others… If there is some way to keep your mind off it… I apologize for not knowing what its like to be depressed.