I feel like I’m on the brink of something. I am afraid to post this but I will, because I love. Consider this my love letter to all of you beautiful, compassionate souls, and excuse the length. If one person finds one phrase that jumps out at them or comfort, or just provides a little something to ponder, I will be happy. Every day, little things are showing themselves to me and they all mean something. Think whatever you like, I’ve never been one to force what I believe, judge, claim to understand everything, or say there is only one way to do something. There are many. And that choice lies within each of us. I only have offered a compassionate heart who has loved and lost. The pain I’ve experienced in losing my brother to suicide, the pain he felt, speaking to the beautiful tortured souls and reading posts on SP, things that are happening in the world, in my life, and in everyone’s lives around me, all the suffering that everyone feels… these things have changed me. I see the world in another light, or at least, a brighter one. I feel like all of this and all of us are connected somehow.
Yesterday on facebook I saw a video titled “Jim Carrey’s Secret to Life.” I have always loved Jim Carrey. I grew up watching his movies and laughing with my brothers. I will cherish every laugh. Every smile. Every glimmer I saw in my brother’s beautiful eyes and soul. So I clicked on the video and was stunned. These are the things I have been thinking, that have been revealing themselves to me and others. I know it. It is a small ripple but it is happening. I have experienced it.
When my brother died, fear overcame me. I didn’t know where to turn, how to feel, what the point of life was. My world began to crumble. My brother, my lovely brother, gone. Gone. How could this be? That isn’t supposed to happen, just like all the suffering we each experience in numerous ways. But it is there. And it is scary. It is consuming. It manifests as mental anguish and physical pain, breaking our hearts. Everyone is different. Everyone experiences different things. Everyone sees things differently. But… we are all part of it. Those same emotions and fears and struggles and pains. We are all connected and able to affect lives. I have been afraid since losing my brother. Afraid of life. Afraid of the future. Afraid of the pain. I still have it and always will, but also, I have learned. Oh, I have learned.
My boyfriend got up the day after the one month mark of me losing my brother and hasn’t been back yet. He’s been traveling, or running. Who knows. That scared me. Ate me up inside. Alone. Devastated. Grieving. Pain in my heart. Sleeplessness. Anguish. How could this all happen at once? So it hurt, but I got up every day and went to work and became closer to my family and got out of my comfort zone. And opened up to people. And felt a need to help others in any small way I could. Whether it be a smile, encouragement, empathy, or a listening ear. I wasn’t afraid. I chose love. Love for everyone. Love for me. I’m not afraid to be me. I see myself. Through all that pain I see it. It doesn’t mean it’s easy or I don’t feel pain. And there are days when I don’t see it, but in the darkest moments, I believe in it and I see it again. So it doesn’t mean life will always be good. It means I have a vision of what can come from it and see myself more clearly. The person I want to be. Am meant to be. Would I have seen all this so clearly if my boyfriend was around? Doubtful. A little change to a routine, a little self-reflection, and a whole lot of pain has been the formula to see something else, for me. Something meaningful.
Sorry for rambling, but seriously, I feel this so deeply and you are all beautiful and emotional beings and I want to share this with you. I feel like we can pour out the depths of our souls here.
Jim Carrey had very difficult beginnings. He has suffered with depression. He’s one of the beautiful souls who wanted to take other’s pain away by making them laugh, but felt despair within. And one day, he saw himself. And I think it’s truly amazing. So here are 3 videos with his comments and I hope you watch them and I hope they may give you a different perspective, some wonder, some faith, some love. Or at least, just something interesting for the time being, either way 🙂 Feel free to discuss thoughts on these topics. I know there are struggles that make things seem so unattainable, but maybe just a second look will add a new dynamic to this thing we are all experiencing called life. Love to all of you.
Jim Carrey’s Secret to Life:
Jim Carrey’s “Awakening”:
Jim Carrey’s Inspirational Message:
“Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.”
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.”
“You find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realizing who you are at the deepest level.”
“Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.”
“Is there a difference between happiness and inner peace? Yes. Happiness depends on conditions being perceived as positive; inner peace does not.”
“You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you, and allowing that goodness to emerge. But it can only emerge if something fundamental changes in your state of consciousness.”
“Always say “yes” to the present moment. What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to what already is? What could be more insane than to oppose life itself, which is now and always now? Surrender to what is. Say “yes” to life — and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you.”
I also hope that yagharek won’t mind me posting some of his material that I have loved:
“So yes, kill yourself. But not literally, kill your false self. That’s how you heal.”
“Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”
“There is not love of life without despair about life.”
“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.”
“Life can be magnificent and overwhelming — that is the whole tragedy. Without beauty, love, or danger it would almost be easy to live.”
“In the midst of hate, I found there was, within me, an invincible love. In the midst of tears, I found there was, within me, an invincible smile. In the midst of chaos, I found there was, within me, an invincible calm. I realized, through it all, that… In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.”