How come when I set the goal to kill myself and begin working towards it I have this feeling of drive and passion, but when I set any other goal and work towards it, it feels like a waste of time.
I’ve begun taking inventory of everything I own. I’m building a simple website to list everything so I can sell it. The idea is instead of placing a million classified ads, I just post a few and link back to my site for a complete list of what’s for sale. The money earned should help me correct my finances. I don’t want to leave any debt or anything behind.
Once my site goes live, the beginning of the dis-mantling of my life will begin. Sell everything I own. Sell my house. Quit my job, telling them I’m moving somewhere for a better job. Take my car, alcohol, weed, camping supplies & shotgun. Drive off into the middle of nowhere. Then hike for a few days into the middle of nowhere. Blow my brains out. Disappear. No-one will know I’m gone.
This is my goal…
12 comments
Your plansonds similarto mine only I dont have access to a gun of any knd so I will have to do iti in a different way and I do have a plan.
I hope things wrkut for you in a way where you get peace in the end
I’m in Canada. Getting a gun isn’t easy, but there is a legal way. So i’m following that process while I liquidate my assets. lol.
I tried blowing my brain off, but kind of got saved by the safety lock i just hope you wont regret while you camp at that moment you already had destroyed your life so i dont know how to answer really, im doing so yo can see that you are not alone and your writing was not in vain
Good luck friend
Yours forever
Noir
I’ll keep the safety in mind 🙂
I guess whatever money left over I should keep with me. Incase I change my mind. Then I at least have something to start a new life with…
nobody can tell you not to do this the only person who can is yourself if you cant convince yourself not to do this nobody else will. I hope you find happiness
I know what you mean. The reasons to do it are numerous and I can find them all. But that one that says it’s the wrong decision…It’s been eluding me for months. I’ve tried new things. Met people. The things don’t give me any pleasure, and the people I just don’t care for. Maybe to prevent myself from getting hurt, i’ve shut down all my emotions. I just don’t want to waste anyone’s time.
Letting your guard down is hard nevermind actually starting to care again, if you never need to talk you wont waste my time i am probably wasting yours.
Are you back on or completely off the 200mg Zoloft? I failed 2 attempts on that same dosage of poison.
I’m back on the zoloft. It helps with the physical symptoms of anxiety. The sweating, shaking, blushing, nausea. I have to keep up appearances. Does nothing for the depression though.
Yeah, it helped my OCD, but numbed my soul. I’m sorry to hear you’re back on.
Hope everything works out for the best.
I am envious that you manage to have a goal, even though the end result will be a sad one. I couldn’t come up with the energy to do what you’re doing with the website and all, but it’s a great idea. I also have similar goals and plans (hike into the wilderness and disappear), though not brave enough to use a shotgun. Maybe I could die of exposure. My therapist seems to think that all I need to do to get out of this funk is to get a van and a couple of dogs and just travel around the states. Yeah right, being alone on the road would make me feel less lonely and depressed.
Hey k2fraser,
Your plan sounds really good, apart from the blowing your brains out. lol,,,
Man you got money and assets why not just disappear and start a whole new life in the wilderness, go bush away from civilization. you could use your gun to shoot birds to eat and build an economically friendly version of a house with only the basic essentials with no on going costs no worrys …….. blah sorry just my #2cents!