Yesterday I was arrested on the GG bridge for a suicide attempt. I was there. I had it. The motivation was there. My leg started to climb up over the railing. Then I saw the police coming. Now this was REALLY it. I could either just use my other leg and take the leap, or go back the other way and let the cops take me into custody. Unfortunately, I’m still here which means I succumbed to the arms of two policeman.
To those who haven’t seen it, the view is incredible. Such a serene feeling knowing that you could take your life right then and there. Just looking down and the water looks so peaceful. It’s magical. Equvilent to having a loaded M 16 in your hands alone in a locked room. You have the power. I hate my life. Everyday I wish it was over and done with. I have nothing and I hate this life. At 34, still alive. Horrible. I WANT NOTHING MORE THAN TO DIE.
8 comments
Why do you think you let the cops reach you if you were so determined to end it all?
I have been there..it is awesome.I live close to it..i didnt attempt to jump.I have been holding on til my commitment was met as much as I could bear to stay…I am rapidly running out of road,though. I wish there were any reason to expect relief or some sort of happiness but theres not. I wish you peace. The GG is a spectacular exit but there have been survivors-im sure you know this.I would hate to survive it and be a paraplegic or quadriplegic or a brain damaged vegetable..and wouldnt wish it for anyone..
If you want noting more to die then why didnt you jump off the side quick before the cops grabbed you? I have been the the golden gate bridge. I didnt attempt t jump I just took pictures of it. Also I have heard that it is one of the places in the USA where people go to take their life.
There is even a documentary film about it and they have footage of people jumping off.
Most of the people die but occasionally a person jumps off and doesnt die from the fall and they wind up in a really bad situation.
I’m sorry this experience didn’t change your outlook on life. I don’t blame you for pausing, it’s a huge decision and the fact that the police saw you increased your chance of surviving but in a horrible way. I hope you can find a reason to stay, and strive one more time towards your dreams.
Yeah maybe you being stopped by the police will mark a whole new beginnig in your life and a coupe years from now when life is good for you >you will be glad they saved you
You re lucky you ain’t in Africa ye policemen would have pushed you off. Now don’t go on snooping around bridges if you ain’t ready to end it all.
Pdog, I have had a dysfunctional relationship with the bridge for several years. Last February I walked it for a couple of hours and stood to take in the view. I couldn’t bring myself to make the jump. I don’t know whether to congratulate you on your attempt or encourage you to hold out for the possibility of better times. I would encourage you to read Kevin Hine’s book “Cracked, Not Broken” about his struggle with mental illness and his survival after jumping. I think Kevin’s story is inspirational if you suffer from type II bipolar disorder. For those of us with MPD, it is a little hard to relate (at least it was for me). But I found many of the same pains and feelings of desperation were like mine. I just don’t hear voices like he did.
The two most documented survivors of the jump (Kevin and another gentleman) both state quite clearly that the instant they let go, the knew it was a huge mistake.
I no longer live in the bay area, but am still drawn in my mind to the GGB. I don’t think I will ever attempt from there, but I still have a longing to be out of this horrible world and in a place of peace and healing. I honestly believe that is what awaits “on the other side”. My method will be to stop taking the meds that keep my heart functioning and let nature take it’s course. I am so grateful to have that option. It will take longer than a traditional suicide method, but I will not be doing violent harm to my body that could traumatize anyone who finds me.
While on the bridge last winter, I asked for a sign or inspiration as to what I could do to change the circumstances of my personal hell. My inspiration was to get out of a country that was contributing to my low self esteem, isolation and desperation. So here I am in a beautiful place, where I can afford to live and where people actually want to be with me.
The bottom line is, you are your own commander in chief. You must make the decision as to what is best for you. I will never judge, even if everyone else does. All I can do is offer you my understanding and respect.
For several months I was obsessed with the Golden Gate Bridge. I’d decided that was going to be my way out–lethal, available, easy. And I’ve always loved water, so I liked the idea of the bay being the last thing I saw.
I think that you may have had a doubt–that’s why you hesitated and the police officers rescued you. I hope that you find a reason to live.