i hate myself

My Body is hurting like crazy I hope my pain has a limit because I’m so tired of it all damn muscles spasms n it’s too much pain I have pills but I choose not to take them my spine n back feel like the springs on a slinky going forward I have a few friends I like to chat with n to maybe help me to get better in a way by making me laugh n at times I just don’t know whether I want to just throw in the towel n say I’m done with life it seems I’ve been waiting an eternity to get better n I use to take pain medication, muscle relaxers, and massage but they only help temporary I want to be better now or else my life would just continue being in pain for the rest of my life…