I’m lost

This is a brief story of the past few years of my life nothing to something I guess. I’ve always just put one foot in front of the other I’ve tried a few times and was saved on all occasions I put my family and self through hell then I ran away from home I left everything behind and moved in with my best mate,things were good for awhile but I got into weed which agian not so bad but my best mate sister and her boyfriend did ice on a regular basis so I started that aswell,things went to shit fairly quickly I broke into my mums house and stole my little sister phone and camera,money from my mums draws and other things just to pay for that high,she phoned me a few days later threats of police and such so I started else where this continued for about a year and a bit before moving out with my best mate into our own place out in the bush things were going well till I ran out and some habits are hard to break I carried on with this agian for a few months before moving in with another mate everything was going alright I guises but I started some trouble with his naboiur and had to leave so after what I belive was three months on the streets I moved back in with my family but trouble with the police got me on bail then probation and everything over the space of a year went so far south agian the night my probation was up I moved in with a mate mum was screaming for me to stay but in my mind I couldn’t face them anymore I had to run agian. The place was alright filthy but liveable regular counciling And emotional talk sessions follow after the probation then I dropped off for a while I spent most of a year in a drunken and high state I shot my self twice during this time agian someone saved me dumb luck I guess.then after being on the street agian for a week I stayed at a mates over night in this time I got In contact with a old friend we met up and I told him everything his family took me in I got clean fuck I wasn’t even smoking anymore I got a job everything was going well I moved back in with my family I started using agian half a year past before they asked me to leave I moved out and in with my stepdad I got an apprenticeship as a butcher and moved into my own place three months after starting it five months in working 15hour days six days a week earn alright money thanks to the hours my mind is slipping agian I just don’t want to exist anymore