I’m 23/female – Born with the name “jamie-ann”
I catch myself in these dazes often now,
I think about how I want to Kill myself,
how much will it hurt? who would really feel “loss”
I run from all my problems instead of talking to others about them
because why let them inside right?
I left my husband because I could no longer find the joy in seeing him
walk through the door after work, this illness is destroying my life
and quiet frankly i’m not even sure if it’s a life anymore.
this is day 5 of being in bed, i’m pretty sure I was fired from my job (there’s just one more thing!)
sure – I’ve been upset before, but I’ve never gotten to this point of where i believe the day I decide to relieve myself from this world, will be the most beautiful day of my life.
I gave up on my appearance, i’m usually a very well kept up gal.
haven’t showered in a week… i’ve confined myself in my bedroom
I don’t want to see anyone, I don’t want to hear anyones voice.
I just want to be alone.
my sister comes to check on me and says things like
“just snap out of it, get over it, you’re doing this for attention, this is bullshit – happiness is a choice“
if it was a fucking choice, I wouldn’t be sitting here trying to figure out if my “life” is really worth it.
I used to have a very nice life, and sure I’ve been struggling with this depression for majority of my life – as i’m getting older it seems to be worsening. I always had someone there with me to help me through the mornings I couldn’t get out of bed, or it hurt to even open my eyes.. (my husband was there for me)
I wake up in the mornings now and just stare at the ceiling for a good 2 hours before I actually make an attempt to make a move..
I could sit here and tell you everything that’s wrong with my life, and make you feel sorry for me…
I miss my husband, I miss my daughter, I miss my life how it used to be
I destroyed it because of whats destroying me..
There’s a monster inside of me, and no body is listening
or are you?
I gave myself a deadline,
so there’s something to look forward to.
6 comments
You think of all the problems you have, and questions of your life even worth it ?
I’m pretty sure I’ve got insane, cause I has problems like you, but in the last time I chose to dont care about it. I ignore my pain, ignore the emptyness thats inside of me. I ran away from it, I ignore it all. It s a temporary solution, I know but it helps well. Do things of a sudden without trying comply for others, accepted by others, rather dont even care what others even think! Give it a try, It cleans up a bit.
I only with I could ignore it.
it floods my thoughts, and has consumed me.
I’m listening. Sorry if I’m not the person you from whom you wanted to hear. I know what you’re experiencing, but I also know it’s unique to you. In short, I get it. Does that help? Only you can say. For me, sometimes it’s just making that contact even if it is over the internet. (Don’t get me on my soapbox about that issue.) Still, I hear you.
to know anyone is listening at this point is good enough for me, I can find comfort in a complete stranger than speak face to face with someone.
I feel your pain. People think living is such a great choice and that we all should just wake up and be able to see that. These people have no idea what it’s like to live in a dark place where all you feel is pain. It’s torture. I find absolutely no joy in life anymore and haven’t in a while. Meds aren’t helping, only making me fat, poor and even more unhappy. Everyone’s answer is pray…I do. I pray for him to take me out of this life and give the opportunity to someone who is dying that wants to live that….let me take their spot. I’m sorry you ass hurting. I hope you find peace soon.
I didn’t chose to feel this way, I didn’t even chose this life.
I’m only worried i’ll never come out of it, I don’t take medication, I don’t see a therapist..
I’m the “type” of depression that usually kills them self because they don’t ask for help.
I don’t want to depend of drugs and an overpaid actor to tell me something is wrong with me.
I’ve figured that out myself without having to pay for an answer.
I have no belief in a higher power, so I have no “him” to turn to, if i were to “pray”
I’d pray to just not let me wake up, because I can’t do this anymore.