hello, my name is fading star… obviously not my real name but lets just call me this for now. ever since i could remember all i have wanted to do is help people…. right so while my entire life I’ve helped people I’ve never really looked after myself, helped myself. I’m 16 years old and feel like my life is no where. I’m not the complaining type but i’m falling apart with everything bursting inside me unable to handle by myself.
when i was a child i lived in poverty now most people live in poverty right?? well when i was a child my family did not have much money we only ate cheap things like noodles. i didn’t get the right nutrients as a kid no milk or cheese or anything important. just noodles…. i had an abusive uncle who use to molester me… take photos with no clothes on, touch or just watch etc. on many occasions i was abused and i felt revolting but i was a little 6 ear old… what better did i know?? by the age of 12 i stopped going around to visit cousins because mum and dad did not like my uncle they never knew what he did and still don’t. when i was 12 i was raped and abused again, by a 28 year old man and i was only 12… he groomed and made me feel safe until that “day” i didn’t tell anyone about him until last year. i went through the awful court and police process but he got not guilty. the age 12 was not a good year for me because i had also got a painful illness that will never go away. sometimes i cant walk. when i was 13 severe bullying started. i was teased at first but then it went onto pushing down stairs, getting cyber bullied online. i once got sent some rope and medication to finish myself. i was pulled out of school when i was 14 but the bullying never stopped. i have been self harming since i was 11 years old. now that i am 16 i am always in pain I’m always suffering and I’m failing in school which i do correspondence, i lost my best friend that i have had since i the day i was born in a car crash… my family don’t care about me so I’m all alone fighting by myself. all everyone ever thinks of me is an attention seeker or pathetic. but i don’t like attention i try to avoid it. i keep to myself i hide my feelings i just act like anyone else. start of this year i thought i got passed “those thoughts” but their back and I feel like they are getting worse and calling my name. all i want to do is be happy but that’s impossible so doe that just mean to be happy i have to die?
every day i try to remind myself people have it worse off than you, people have less that you. but it makes me angry about life how this can happen to anyone. i just want everything to be okay but it cant…. i just cant handle this and i don’t know what to do? please help me? anyone?
6 comments
Yes and people have it worse than me too. Alot of us have it bad, people having it ‘worse than you’ doesnt mean that your life is less valid and that the probs you have in life are not worth trying to deal with… You did not deserve this abuse. It makes me sad. I wish i could help you, sorry… I guess wait until 18 so you can get out of there… That isnt easy though. I just dont know how people can live with themselves treating others so horribly.
How on earth did he get not guilty?! That defies all reasonable logic?! How? HOW?!? Pedos, molesters, fuckin’ rapists and all those sick fucks make me…UGH!!! Your country needs to revise their stance on molestation cases – I honestly cannot BRAIN the fact that he got away with that.
Not everything will be okay, but it’ll get well enough that you will one day be able to go on with life and everything you have been through. I would like you to continue to share your story here and to seek out the help of someone who is close to you physically and who you know you can trust.
I’m sorry I have nothing more profound to say, but I wish you the best.
Unfortunately, the scumbag got “not guilty” because she waited about 3 years to bring charges … no evidence of the crime i.e. a rape kit. so it becomes a “he said/she said” … the simple fact that the prosecutor took the case to a trial is at least a step forward that they took her word and took her allegation seriously … kudos to the “system” for doing what’s right instead of “what’s easy” – which is entirely too common (to do what’s “easy” instead of doing their job) in this country.
legal dawg
Yeah and what Shephard said, how could he not be found guilty? I am shocked beyond belief
Yeah you have been through a lot for a guy your age and I really feel deeply for your situation. Being molested and bullied and all of that can bring the weight of the world on a person and scar them for a long time. DO you have any resources of help available. DO you have any distnat relatives you could go see and talk to about all of this. is there a foster home situation you could get into or something. You need to get away from that poison environment but I know its not easy at your age I hope that things work out for you and I am sad that nothing was done about your abuser
it hurts inside to hear your post. if you ever feel to talk you can email me:
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