so after a rough time with a bunch of nasty guys I decided to just live on my own, not let anyone in. I met a few guys and turned them down, too many awkward silences and dumb conversations. but one night I went on a date with a guy and for once he was a gentleman, he booked a table and he wore jeans that didnt show his bum, we laughed and i nearly cried laughing and there were no moments of scilence and he is clever, so clever and we talked about politics and current affairs and horses( we both have horses)but then after i didnt hear from him, and it dawned on me that im just common, he is from a very priviliged background, and i used to be, but tough times meant i had to change, i learnt how to look out for myself, learnt how to speak more common so i didnt get hit at school anymore, i took up boxing and befriended the most unsavoury people to try and make myself less vulnerable. but now, i cant seem to fit in to his classy life style and this amazing guy is probably ashamed to have been seen out with me. it just makes me think that ive been sat on my high horse for too long and really im just joking myself, ill always be to common for a half decent guy. im one rash decision away from ending up at square one- self harming whore, struggling to maintain one ounce of self dignity and forever being looked down upon by my peers.