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My CrossRoad

by -innerdemon-

I am 18 years old,  I am a recovering intervenes  drug addict , I was shooting up morphine and oxy cotton when I was 16 resulting in shooting up heroine at 17 , just  months ago I came to Nova Scotia to become sober , in all honesty I travelled from one province to another to make some money selling my ass for some cash, it turned bad and I ended up showing on my Aunts doorstep , strung out begging not to send me back to newfoundland. where the depth of my addiction began , Eventually things began to change around here , I would fight consistently with my aunts husband , I would call him names and talk down to him just as he would do the same to me , it got physical once. After that things went down hill , we would fight more often and it would worsen each time, I found myself on sides of highways , women shelters in a strange unknown city I have never been to  . I relapsed in June , while staying at a women shelter because I was kicked out.. I relapsed on morphine , very minor compared to heroine, When I relapsed I felt an unusual feeling of remorse rush through me and I wanted out before I slipped back into the dark cracks of needles. My father reported me as suicidal , resulting in a mental health act being placed one me because of my irrational thinking because of my drug induced state , and now I am having my legal human rights slowly be ripped from my grasp , im not mentally unstable , Im just going through life complications , and now recently being diagnosed with bipolar , My uncle and father are trying to make sure ill never be able to legally be on my own , ( this is just out of fear of falling back into my addiction ) but because of there overly intense concern , Im not being put in a corner I cannot bear to be in, I am having my only thing I can call mine and is my freedom , If I don’t soon figure out to show everybody that I am not as I am perceived to be I will be left with no choice but to do as I tried to do before , If I cannot escape this hell legally , I will take the cowards way out . I have attempted this before but was unsuccessful , but I will be sure not to fuck it up this time, now or never right.

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6 comments

TwistedSpace 8/25/2014 - 10:32 pm

What the fuck? And you’re only eighteen. Wow. I mean, I’m eighteen, and I haven’t done any of what you have done. I think the worst I have done was marijuana as far as drugs go. I did get lost in Brooklyn once after a suicide partner decided to chicken out and drop me off at some random train station. But again, that’s nothing in comparison to your story. Oh, and um, it’s not really a cowards way out. Think of it as simply taking off the roller coaster of life. Regardless of what you decide, I wish the best for you. 🙂

Engie 8/25/2014 - 11:06 pm

Wow. Your story is one of such incredible tragedy. How did you come to be addicted to intravenous drugs?

If you’re in a mental hospital as an involuntary patient, and the staff there are remotely competent, then really the only way to leave will be to not be the person you are perceived to be. And if you attempt suicide (and with the means available in this environment, there is a good chance someone will intervene), you will only be confirming to everyone that you are a danger to yourself. Then any freedom you’ve been granted will evaporate and you’ll be back on suicide watch.

I may have misunderstood, because you haven’t mentioned being hospitalised, only losing your independence under the mental health act.

-innerdemon- 8/26/2014 - 9:02 am

I became a intervenes user when I was 15, I wouldn’t go to school , I would fight viciously with my mother and resulted in her kicking me out .. I went with a man who promised me everything , eventually his generosity changed course , I ended up being held in a sex trade in Montreal , Tey would inject me because when I was alert I was screaming and fighting , I would be beaten and raped multiple times a day , needing to be heavily sedated in order to take away the fight in me, and I guess it was bad for business. I stopped refusing the high , I needed it , it took everything away, After being held for 4 1/2 months without any police report made by my mother , I managed to escape. 2 Months later I moved to newfoundland with my father… He was abusive verbally and physically and I went to assistance at 16 and moved out on my own , I was at a womens shelter and I met a girl who shot up, I remembered how the drugs took all the pain away , so I willingly shot up morphine , after 2 years of shooting up , prostituting and abandoning my education, my ability to remain sober and healthy, I learned last year I contracted HepC , I thought my life was over, My family pushed me away thinking what I had was a death Sentence. They took my neice away from me, due to their ignorance of the disease, I wanted to die , I tried to die , I overdosed on a ridiculous amount of drugs that would kill anybody yet , here I am .. I don’t understand If God is real why make me suffer in this world , I want to escape my misery, I will never do drugs again , so I cant run and hide from my problems I have to face them, and im just not strong enough, I felt empty and lost.

AMaskOfLies 8/26/2014 - 9:06 am

Holy fucking shit. How..? Damn I can’t believe you survived that.
I…I know it’s not much but if you really want to talk to someone- and it sounds like you do- you can definitely email me. In fact, I’m sort of begging you to email me because no one should have to withstand that. Especially on their own.

AMaskOfLies 8/26/2014 - 5:20 am

I really don’t know what to say or how to help you but if you want to talk to someone about it, someone who could remotely understand why you don’t love life anymore, email me.

dragonfly_whisper 8/26/2014 - 2:47 pm

So, where are you now? How are you taking care of yourself? How can we help?

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