We all have those moments where we just want to die. This was a feeling that I had that was stronger than ever. Since I was a little girl, I was fat and I have been called fat. I’m not gonna lie…it hurt badly. It made me feel terrible. Those beautiful girls out there were skinny, so where does that leave me? I cried and cried myself to sleep sometimes because I was ugly and fat. As I got older, it was worst. You were judged all the time, whether if it was how pretty you were, what was your weight, or the clothes you were wearing. People called me fat, and I wanted to cry in front of them, but I didn’t. If I cried, they would win, and I didn’t want them to. Now that I let you read this little background, I will tell you what happened now. A couple of weeks ago, I went to camp. There was a lake there and I never wanted to because of my body. One of my “friends” wanted me to swim with her, so I did. I went in the water and I had fun. I could stay there all day and I actually felt confident with my body for once. I went of the water to dry off, and my ex and his friend just laughed at me and whispered things. It made me furious, embarrassed, and depressed all over again. I wanted to die. How could people be so cruel? I ran over to my friends but said nothing. I just wanted to go home and cry. After that day, I starved myself because I wanted to make all the people regret what they had called me. I wanted their mouths to drop wide open just so I could laugh at them and say,” Look who’s laughing now.” It was day 3 of my starvation diet and i saw some progress and smiled. I arrived at camp and sat with my friends in lunch. They questioned why didn’t I have a lunch, and I told them the truth. My “friend” said,” You’re just going to get yourself even more fatter.” My positive attitude was crushed and I thought that she would’ve understood because she did the same thing. I looked down and put my head my in my bag “looking” through my phone, but i was really trying to not cry. It didn’t work. A tear slipped and then another one. I wiped my eyes, while no one was looking, but my friend (Nicole) saw. She mouthed to me,” Whats wrong?” but I just nodded. She then took me to the bathroom to talk and I was hesitant but I told her. She told me that she shouldn’t have said that and that I wasn’t fat. I knew that I was. I wasn’t crazily fat but I was not close to skinny. I then felt a lot better and that was how we became best friends today. I stopped starving myself because I felt better about myself. I was stronger, but of course people bring you down. My ex started to bully me, and I did nothing to him. He called me fat over and over again. And if you think that was bad, thats not even close. He started fat jokes about me and turned acquaintances against me. People started laughing, even some people I thought were my friends laughed a little. He then said that he would kick my fat ass if I told the counselors. I am not weak. I will never let him break me. He will never threaten me. I stood up for myself and started being sarcastic by saying,”Oh yeah totally, a druggy is going to kick my ass. Grow up and smoke some fucking weed.” He shut up and everyone laughed at him. I then told the counselor what he said and he got kicked out of camp. I didn’t talk to anyone besides Nicole and these other nice girls. They just made me feel happier. Camp sadly ended and I stood home with my brother. He went to Boston College and he stood home on summer break. I was about to be unconfident again. He is skinny and I guess “attractive” to people. He was the favorite, with all the great grades, with his running abilities, and his “perfect” attitude. In my opinion, hes a douche. On vacation, he said that my thighs are super big in my bathing suit. I walked away and cried in my room by myself. He knew I cried because my mom found out and told him. He didn’t even say sorry. My dad just cursed at me and called me annoying and a b****. I didn’t do anything to him, I just cried and he still took my brother’s side. That made me cry more. It sucked to know that even when he called me the worst thing in the world, I was cursed and yelled at. Recently, I told him that he should shave because we’re visiting my school soon. He told me that he could think of a lot of things wrong with me, starting with here. He motioned to my stomach, laughed, and walked away. I’m in my room now, writing this, and crying. I just don’t get it. My own brother, along with my ex and “friends”, want to cause me pain. They want me to cry. They want me to think of killing myself. I already attempted suicide by overdosing but they were expired and I went to the hospital 5 months ago. It’s one of the worst feelings in the world. Never call a girl fat even if you’re joking. It wasn’t funny before, so why should it be funny now?
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12 comments
I am so sorry you were bullied and treated this way. They should never judge you. Judging is so hurtful. How could they… 🙁
sadly people are like this, even family,but i feel better now and more positive
It is amazing & beyond words like sad to describe how one human being can be so cruel to another. I know how you feel, as I am sure many of us on this site can understand. I have been bullied my entire life & it still continues to this day. I am 31. I know that doesnt spring hope, but you need a way to keep your head above water. Create a bubble around yourself. You will soon not hear what they say.
I believe the reason why ppl bully and tease and hate is cos they’re jealous or something in you. There is something special that this world needs, but others are scared of. Keep your head above water. {Hugz}
wow some people do not know when to stop bullying. You would think that they would be mature enough to stop when you are all grown up. Thanks you too
wow, that really sucks. People can really suck and cause so much more pain than they realize with their moronic comments.
My advice: continue what you’re already on your way to, developing a thicker skin.
The truth is that you are probably a lot more attractive than you realize. When kids tease others it is,more often than not, because they’re insecure.
They’re overcompensating for their own inner insecurities by putting someone else down,, to make themselves feel superior. (because inside they feel inferior, or they would not behave this way. So remember this bc it is 100% true).
Besides, guys LOVE girls of all body types. Seriously, some like skinny girls and others like heavier. THE person who loves you will not care so much. What is most important is self-reliance and confidence, (You know this already, I can tell, reading what you wrote, just that others drag you down. Well F them! Having your own sense of self,, purpose, passion, intelligence, these are what makes us attractive to others and makes us like ourselves more.
Girls that get by being completely superficial and taking advantage and pride in their looks usually end up pretty hollow inside, with vapid personalities and nothing else going on for them, further down the road.
Focus on yourself and forget the stupidity of others. They are not worth your time.
Besides, this absurdly unnaturally skinny child-like nearly anorexic-looking body type that is perpetuated in our culture as ideal beauty, is as completely manufactured, warped, unrealistic and generally unobtainable by most females, is as fake and artificial as the Madison Ave minds that promote it for just that reason. Girls are supposed to have layers of fat on their stomachs! (you can look it up. It happens at puberty or even before),, it’s natural and normal.
Not having it is abnormal. You didnt post your stats but there’s just more of you to love. If you really dont like the shape you’re in, work to alter it as best you can.. but in the end your looks are not as important as the other things mentioned above. Stay strong and positive. Good luck
thanks and you are right. I feel better now
Here’s one example that today’s society is completely screwed.
My best friends daughter is 7yrs old. Recently my best friend was told by her teacher to take her daughter to a child development place because she apparently was having difficulties speaking (she has a slight lisp) and has poor coordination.
I’ll give you a little background that the doctor was also given.
This little girl does not sit still. She is always running around and is always talking, telling stories to her toys. She eats anything & loves her vegetables.
She is above average height for her age, and plenty bigger than her classmates. Her brother is 8yrs old & he is above average height & also bigger than his classmates. Her father is over 6ft tall and so is her uncle. Her mother, aunty & grandfather are all classed as ‘overweight’ but yet they are perfectly healthy & their bodies are in proportion. Now despite the fact that she is above the average growth for her age & her obvious hereditary points, she was told that she was FAT & she needed to exercise more & eat healthier…
All we could think was WHAT THE FUCK!? Here is a professional telling a 7yr old girl that she was fat. We have to constantly tell her that she is beautiful (cos she really is) & that she is not fat, just different from everyone else & that is not a bad thing.
That is how bad society is screwed up.
What the fuck… What a stupid doctor
No wonder people try and suicide because they are too ‘ugly’ or too ‘fat’… No wonder people try and eat less or diet or vomit up their food to lose weight when their weight is fine
people don’t understand that hurting people can be as easy as dropping glass. some people just cant be nice to anyone whether you are 7,16,20, or 40 years old. its really sad
Some people do not understand how much a “joke” can hurt others.
I’m sorry to hear of your sufferings and don’t forget that beauty radiates from the inside. Who cares what you look like? I don’t know what you look like but I know that you are a beautiful girl. Stay strong my darl xxx
The applies to girls or guys actually…the developmental years are when self-image and identity start being really molded into who you will become.
I remember being called fat and bullied relentlessly when I was a kid and it still reverberates within me now as I’m 33. It’s horrible what teasing can do.
I sincerely hope you can rise above it. Please don’t dwell on such things or it’ll stay with you always undermining you.
I’m glad you got rid of your ex. It’s unfortunate that your brother and father mock you though as that is harder to get away from. I’m assuming though that since your ex is at Boston College, that you are either graduating soon or are already graduated. If you brother and dad treat you that way, it might be a good idea to put some distance between you and them if possible so they can’t do that anymore.
I wish you the best. Take care.