I’ve hated myself for over a year now. Everything from my face to my personality makes me want to cringe. And it makes me feel so lonely, as if there will never be anyone who loves me because I can’t even love myself.
It makes me feel as if I deserve to die, as if I deserve the hell-hole that is depression. I’ve dug myself deep into a hole and I don’t know how to get out. I don’t know how to look at the mirror and not cry at the reflection that stares back at me.
How is it possible to feel so lonely and sad when I have so much to be thankful for?
How is it that I can sit next to my best friend and all I can think about is killing myself as we carry on a conversation about the football game we just saw?
How can I overcome this?
7 comments
It’s what we do, we talk about the football, the tennis, even the cricket, well some do, while inside we’re empty but never show it to our friends, don’t want to show weakness in this world made for the strong go-getters, but talking does help.
I have two therapists that both tell me that I am digging my hole further and further and soon I will be stuck in that hole. I am invisible so I don’t really have people to talk to. I am not sure about you so I will suggest talking to a family member or family friend that actually cares dearly about you.
How do we stop digging the hole if talking to people doesn’t help? I’m sorry your battle with this stupid illness is deteriorating. I hope you find a way to stop digging.
I hate myself, too. I think people get tired of hearing me say that I do sometimes. I can relate to you so much. I think the best thing to do in order to feel better is focus on your strengths. What makes you unique from the others in your life? Thinking about that can help you hate yourself less. There are people in this world who are worth hating. You more than likely aren’t one of those people. 🙂
Thanks for your kind words! I’ll try focusing on the positives of what sets me apart from everyone else and avoid resentment towards myself–I hope you find a way to love yourself, as cheesy as that sounds. 🙂
First of all, may I ask your age? I’ve dealt with varying degrees of depression for many years so I won’t judge you based on that, but I’m curious.
Secondly, I think that you need to find someone to talk to about your true feelings, the dark ones. We tend to put on happy faces for all to see while we suffer in silence but talking to someone does help.
Thirdly, have you discussed this with a doctor? There are medications that do help. I found one after trying several different ones that worked with me for a couple of years. That could be an option for you.
I feel the same way that you do btw. I hate, hate myself. My face, my stupidity (lately anyways), everything almost. I’m so sorry that you’re suffering. 🙁
I am 17, so pretty young I guess to be feeling such strong, self-destructive feelings. I’d love to find someone to talk to and have approached my family about it but they have the mindset that mental illness isn’t a thing and that I was using suicidal thoughts as “blackmail” to get what I want. I don’t know who to turn to or if people can help. I’ve talked to friends and all they do is compliment me, but that doesn’t help because it’s all empty words. None of it resonates with me, I don’t believe any of it.
And I’m so sorry you’re going through this too! Hopefully everyone on this site can find a way through. Thanks for your help!