I wont say names and I wont say ages, it’s difficult enough to even type this sort of stuff.
Within a span of 4 months my life changed dramatically. My father passed away and I was assaulted by peers older than me.
I wasn’t sure how to communicate what happened. My father dying, people I thought I was safe around. How can you tell your family or your friends about any of that and have them understand how you’re feeling?
Sure they could have been through something similar or close to your experience, but every experience is different. You don’t get assaulted by the same person/people. You wont always have the same relationship with your parent as the next person. How do you communicate those feelings?
I was angry, I was upset, I was at a loss of worth. I didn’t want to be around, I didn’t want to burden anyone with my problems. I would get people telling me “You have issues” if I got angry at them over little things like accidentally pulling my hair or bringing up issues they have with their parents. I would be scolded by my friends for not “getting over it” or “moving on”.
So I had decided. “People would be better off without me”.
“No one needs me here anyway.”
Many nights I would spend planning how I would execute my death. How I would do it as quickly and painless as possible. But when it came down to it I only ended up in a psych ward. It wasn’t the quick and painless death I was searching for and it made me feel even more pathetic, I couldn’t even end my own life.
It was all for nothing. And now here I am, sitting in my bed, still feeling pathetic. Without a dad or trust in my peers.